When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. Isaiah 43:2



Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Getting it Together~I hope

Day Three: Do the things from day one and two~Get dressed to the lace up shoes in the morning, shine your sink, read 2 minutes of daily FLY reminders each day.

Day Four: Write these things down. On a sticky note, write down those three things that we've been praticing and stick them up on your bathroom mirror and over your sink. This will be the beginning of your control journal.

I am feeling overwhelmed right now...with life, sickness, kids, obligations, so I am trying my best to stick to these things because their promise of leading to order in my life is golden right now. I am clinging to it as I wallow in my self pity.

I know that before I am ready these kids will be big and old and not need me one little bit, but right now, I feel like I am failing them all individually because they each need me soooooo much allll the time. I cannot help Kya with her need for cuddling and learning time because I am scared for the safety of Wyatt, for whom there is no safe place in the house right now. I cannot give Wyatt my undivided attention and discipline because I am nursing Caden, preparing the next meal, cleaning up from the last meal, and generally trying to keep the house in some sort of order so we can function (do not read this as me trying to keep the house "clean"--that is not going to happen and I know that.) I cannot nurse my sweet baby Caden long enough, often enough, or calmly enough because the other kiddos need something most of the time. And he is congested again with green snot, which makes me worry.

I do not DO NOT DO NOT regret having three kids so close in age. I still think it is the best decision we have ever made. I cannot imagine life without any of them. And I believe they will be closer and better for it ultimately, but right now, I am exhausted and feel like a failure a lot.

I am really hoping that getting a routine and Fly Lady/Babywise schedules down to a science will
help everyone feel better. I love my kids more than I ever thought humanly imaginable and I really just want to be completely present for them.

Oh, and then there's my husband, who gets third, fourth, sometimes fifth priority, and ALLLL the unloading at the end of the day. I love you and thank you for your patience. YOU are my hero. I couldn't go on without you.

2 comments:

Mandee said...

I was so there 2 years ago. My boys are spaced 2 years apart, and it has been total chaos on most days. Which is so frustrating, because you do feel like you're failing them all. But I'm here to tell you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My youngest is 2 1/2, and although life is still crazy, it's not crazy as often as it was. Hang in there!

Raquel, The Glamorous Life said...

Tara you are a amzing mom! i dont know how you do all that you do and you are always so joyful you ROCK! if you need any help let me know and i am sorry if i add to your load of more stuff to do. love ya friend!