The Grumpy that Holds On

Occasionally the past few days I have found myself a little crabby with my household. My husband is "off" for the holidays (quotations because he is still reffing at least one game every day for various high school basketball torunaments) so he has received some of the outpouring of crabbiness.

But, luckily, the crabbiness is only for like an hour a day and usually relates to getting a specific task or occurrence accomplished. For instance, before we left for Disneyland, I had to prepare the food and clothing and lists for my dad who was staying at our house with Caden.

I also could not leave the house in the state it would usually be in for my sweet father because he most certainly would have tripped and fallen into a large pile of laundry/trash/toys, never to be heard from again.

I also had to prepare snacks, clothing, diapers, etc. for those of us going to Disneyland (which included Wyatt, Kya, Scott, myself and...my mother.) Now I love my mother so very much, but

I just wasn't sure if this journey with two small children all the way to L.A., with the inevitable whining and meltdowns, and poopy diapers, and potty stops, was going to be her cup of tea...and the walking...and the annoying people...and the possibility that the van might be too hot, or too cold, or...I don't know, I was just nervous that she wouldn't be comfortable, and I wanted everything to be just right.

I also needed to make sure we didn't have to purchase anything while at Disneyland. I vowed we would not have to purchase food, drink, or weather resistant clothing at their astronomical prices!!! Which meant packing smartly and efficiently.

And if I didn't get to all of these things, in addition to styling my grayish green hair, I was going to have a bit of a meltdown, because I wanted this trip to BE PERFECT DARNIT!!! (I was close to saying something less appropriate there, so you would really understand my feelings of crabbiness, but I refrained.)

So, the morning was kind of miserable for anyone in my path. My poor husband was privy to the biggest meltdown, complete with tears and a big "I'm just sooooooooo tired of having to plan everything for this family!!!" climax.

He was very quiet the rest of the morning. I was sad I said that.

As everything got completed and we headed down to the Magic Kingdom, my mood lifted and I was ready to chat, laugh, and enjoy the scenery. After all, there was nothing left to be crabby about and I had gotten my crabbiness out. My mom was in a fabulous mood and so we just had a grand time.

However...

As I often forget, my major meltdowns always have a lasting impact on my husband. I snap out of it and he is left reeling. I am laughing and he is still bleary-eyed and hurt from words I said in the heat of my selfish miserable moment.

He is never rude and never argues. He is just hurt and very quiet, for a time. And I don't blame him. My crabbiness fallout is lasting and as I look at his sweet, loyal, gorgeous face, I just wish I could take it all back and start over, but I know I can't.

I know there will be more meltdowns, because that's what happens when you are nauseous all the time and don't get enough sleep, and have a lot of very (yah, right) important tasks to accomplish, but I know I can be better, and I know I can stop throwing blame where it doesn't belong. And I need to remember that the whole reason I want all those other things to be perfect is FOR my family, not in spite of them.

I love you husband, and I'm sorry I ruined the Magic Kingdom for you!!!