New KCBOB twirl dress and ruffle bottomed pants

Visit my KCBOB blog to see the latest items available for special order at :
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fkcbob.blogspot.com%2F&h=88644debd59f51647c0e47d2e94f4755

Or join my Facebook group at:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=2532264&id=607691647&op=1&subj=45039009871&view=all&aid=-1&oid=45039009871#/group.php?gid=45039009871

Pictured is a twirl dress with ribbon detail and ruffle bottomed pants with ribbon detail. Prices vary depending on size and fabric. Size NB-7/8 available. Over 50 fabrics from which to choose. Matching Bows or flower clippies also available.

Thanks for lookin'!

Another Haner Baby!!!

Ha! You guys thought I was pregnant again huh!? Fooled you...nope, Scott's sister Julie, who swore she would NEVER have a baby, finally gave in to the call of motherhood and is due in September!!!! CONGRATULATIONS HAYNES FAMILY! We can't wait!

Family Farming

As we prepare our "land" (like 1/10 of an acre) for planting veggies, fruits and legumes once again, we are intrigued by Thomas Jefferson's thoughts on the matter:

"I think our governments will remain virtuous for many centuries as long as the people are chiefly agricultural, and this will be as long as there shall be vacant lands in any part of America. When they get piled upon one another in large cities, as in Europe, they will become corrupt as in Europe."

Jefferson to Madison

December 20, 1787

A Jeffersonian believes in...family agriculture. In Jefferson's time, more than ninety percent of the American people lived on sef-sufficiency farms. Today only two percent of the American people live on family farms, and most of them are Hamiltonian agri-producers rather than the sort of subsistence-plus farmers Jefferson had in mind.

Some of Jefferson's profoundest words were, "Those who labor in the earth are the chosen people of God, if ever He had a chosen people, whose breasts He has made His peculiar deposit for substantial and genuine virtue."

(quoted from Becoming Jefferson's People, Clay S. Jenkinson)

Plant something!!! You'll feel better for it I promise!

Why MOPS Matters to Me

Bedhead

Nice Outfit Kya--she presented herself this way to me as, "ready to go!" Uh...no.

Marker Face

Wyatt's Laundry Disaster of 2009

Wyatt's Laundry Detergent Disaster of 2009

Lately I often ask myself, "What are my children doing now?" They are a CONSTANT source of surprise, worry, laughter, anxiety, joy and exhaustion. From "losing" Wyatt (I couldn't find him in the house or outside the house--finally found him four houses down coloring with the neighbors' chalk in their entry way during 5:00 school pick-up time with lots of traffic whizzing by!) to finding the entire bottle of super concentrated liquid laundry detergent all over the kitchen floor and all the clean folded laundry dumped out on the living room floor~there is never time to be bored or lonely around here. And for the most part, I am really thankful for that now. I say "now" because before I found fellow mommies who were experiencing (enduring) this season of life, I thought I was alone and I worried all the time. I rarely found pure joy in my kids' antics. Now, with fellowship, empathy and advice from fellow moms, I find myself able to laugh and enjoy this crazy season in our lives (most of the time). Like Mother like daughter.

Why the muddiest oiliest puddle?

The following is my "Mom Story" for this month's MOPS newsletter, of which I am the current "Editor."

In the Loop…January Edition p.6

MOM STORIES

Why MOPS Matters to Me
by Tara Haner

As the mother of three children ages three, one and a half, and two months, I often find myself spinning around the house, putting out one proverbial fire after the other. I like to play a little game with myself when I am preoccupied with the baby and can’t run to see what my other two children are doing. I call it, “What’s that crazy sound I hear?” Sometimes it’s running water, sometimes breaking glass, sometimes a puppy’s sad cry, sometimes ominous silence. And then I try to guess what is happening that would cause aforementioned sound. Kya “washing mommy’s socks in the bathroom sink,” Wyatt knocking over a vase of flowers high atop the kitchen counter, both toddlers piled on top of the poor puppy...you get the picture. And I know I am not alone when I say, silence is the scariest of them all. I sometimes also like to play, “What’s that weird smell?”
Despite these ever so amusing games, I sometimes feel a little sad. I find myself sometimes wishing there were someone there to play these fun games with me!! I love being a stay-at-home mom, but I am also a social being, created by God for interraction~with adults! So, when I found MOPS, and all these fantastic women huddled together in a group, talking about their oh-so-similar-to-mine lives, I was elated. I found that we really need fellow mommies to inspire and comfort us. I found that we can accomplish so much together if we will just relinquish our pride and rely on each other...for friendship, help in times of need, and advice. It is fair to say that some weeks, MOPS keep me from going insane. I pray you find that kind of help and comfort at MOPS and that God gives you the creativity and sense of humor to enjoy this season in life with some fellow mommies. I know I find myself laughing more and more often these days~especially while I play, “What’s that weird smell?” ~TH

Mercury with your soda?

As if we didn't have enough reason to avoid soda, I read this today at: http://nourishedkitchen.com/2009/01/a-little-mercury-with-your-soda/

A new study published in Environmental Health confirms that mercury, a known neurotoxin, contaminates almost half of the high fructose corn syrup currently on the market. Another study published by the Institute for Agriculture and Trade Policy found that almost one-third of popular, processed foods containing HFCS as the first or second ingredient under the nutritional label tested positive for mercury. According to the IATP, those foods testing positive for mercury contamination included Quaker, Hershey’s, Kraft and Smuckers.
This isn’t isolated.
The most disturbing aspect of the story is that several tests were done in 2005 when the contamination was brought to the attention of the FDA, and the FDA failed to do anything to protect consumers from continued exposure. Yeah, and they try to tell us raw milk is dangerous, but drinking mercury-contaminated sodas is fine?
Mercury is dangerous to human health and it is known neurotoxin. Symptoms of mercury toxicity include loss of feeling, paralysis, loss of vision, congenital malformations and other serious issues. While exposure to large amounts of mercury may even cause death, what is uncertain is what effects minute, long-term exposure - such as that arising from regularly ingesting small quanitites in contaminated sweeteners - might do.
The greatest concern is for children and adolescents who are still developing as they tend to consume more high fructose corn syrup than the average adult - and therefore are at greater risk of ingesting mercury from contaminated sources.
The problem arises during the manufacture of high fructose corn syrup. To extract the corn starch from the corn kernel, manufacturers often use caustic soda produced in chlorine plants. The use of mercury cells in the manufacture of caustic soda contaminates the corn starch, and subsequently the high fructose corn syrup. Incidentally, for this reason you should not use or eat corn starch.
Add this to all the other reasons you should not eat high fructose corn syrup. Is anyone else wondering how the Corn Refiners Association is going to try to recover from this news? Are we going to see a special new series of sweet surprise commercials outlining how mercury is natural and fine in moderation?

Caden Update

For those of you who have been praying for baby Caden, THANK YOU! There have been miracles at work in our lives too numerous to blog, but suffice it to say, we have seen the hand of God move in our home, and in our baby son. From the gut feeling we had to refuse immunizations just one week prior to his diagnosis (we feel this would have made his little body much less able to fight the RSV and pneumonia) to the full nights of sleep he has gotten since the prayer vigils began, we have continually been amazed. He is not out of the woods yet, but his improvement has been so amazing and fast, especially for his fragile age, that we can only attribute it a power greater than ourselves.

Caden has never stopped nursing well, which is common in infants with RSV, and which would have been nearly impossible in the hospital had we decided to go that route. I have been able to sleep next to Caden in our bed, vigilantly monitoring every breath he takes at night thanks to my sweet husband, who slept in Kya's room. After his breathing treatments and nose suctioning, Caden actually smiles and giggles as though to say, "Hey thanks mom, I can breathe lots better now!" During the day, I have been able to monitor his breathing during naps thanks to the Angel Care monitor loaned to us by dear friend Raquel who lost her sweet Matthew when he was about Caden's age. Thank you dear Raquel for worrying with me and sending out the prayer requests to Yahoo Groups far and wide.

He continues to smile and be alert and energetic (highly unusual in babies with his diagnosis) and other than the first very scary days before the prayer warriors began their fight, he hasn't had difficulty breathing or staying hydrated/nourished! We cannot believe it. If I ever doubted the power of prayer, I don't anymore!!! Thank you from the bottom of this exhausted mommy's heart! Special thanks to those of you who dropped by with gifts, meals and snacks!!! Your giving hearts will be rewarded. XOXOXOXOX

Daily Devotion

Jesus said, "If you give, you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full measure, pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and running over. Whatever measure you use in giving–large or small–it will be used to measure what is given back to you" (Luke 6:38).

Prayers for Caden

Hi all you who are crazy enough to read my ramblings. I have an enormous favor to ask. Our littlest guy, Caden (two months), has pneumonia, and it is RSV pneumonia so there is nothing we can do for him but pray and give him breathing treatments. Many little babies are hospitalized for a very long time with this illness and we are very worried and need your help to pray for God's healing and favor. Please also pray for us to have wisdom about what the best thing is to do for him. I sure appreciate it!

SUCH EXCITING NEWS!!

A tribute to my newly pregnant friend Raquel! I am soooo excited for her! She is one of the best moms and friends I know. God has blessed her with great leadership, Godly wisdom and infectious humor! Today is a day to celebrate for a new little spirit in the Steele family!!!

Playin' in the Leaves!

The kids are just so happy to be able to play outside. Pictured are Rory (our neighbor and Kya's dear friend), Kya, Wyatt (getting tackled by everybody!) and "Kelly," the newly named wonderpooch! :)

Summer in January

It was in the 70's here yesterday and the kids used every moment of brilliant sunshine to play and play and play!!! Kya fell asleep at 5:45 PM for the night (well, sort of--she woke up at 10 thinking it was morning! Oops!) We emptied our water heater into the pool since Scott was installing a recirculator (instant hot water at every faucet!!!) and the kids spent the afternoon swimming in their own little hot tub. Our sweet friend Rory joined us from around the corner and his folks, friends Ben and Angie, hung out with us as well (Ben providing much needed assistance reroofing the chicken coop and installing the recirculating pump.) Thanks Ben!

Sweet Debbie and Sleeping Caden

Our long time family friend, Debbie, babysat today while Scott roofed the chicken coop and I got some alone time. Caden fell asleep on her shoulder. He's only two months old, but I swear he looks so much older, especially in this pic. His pediatrician says he's in the 100th percentile for height, weight and head circumference!

New Rules for the Heart of the Home

OK, so today was a bit of a disaster--huh, a bit?...no, it was a major catastrophe, in my mind at least. There were at least three times today when I stood shaking as I stared at my whining children/messy house/laundry piles/dirty dish piles/mirror reflecting my unkempt appearance/unedited MOPS newsletter/unfinished sewing projects. Shaking? Yes, well, when you have only God's grace barely keeping you from throwing the nearest object as hard as you can against the wall, the resulting physical response is shaking--at least for me.

As I sit here analyzing what drove me to such emotional extremes today, I realized several things. One, motherhood is a vacationless job. Two, when my kitchen is a mess, so is my heart. I can't do anything about the first so I will begin to address the second.

I prepare and clean up three meals and two snacks in the kitchen every day. It is the gateway to the laundry room, where I load and unload at least one pile of laundry a day. It is the current residence of one yet to be potty-trained or named puppy. It is the location of the refrigerator from whence my middle child's beloved milk (soy and "weguwa" ("regular")) comes, thus requiring at least four bottle fill-ups a day independent of aforementioned meals. And it houses my sweet sewing corner, where, when I have a free moment, I enjoy the gentle purr of my Baby Loc traveling over cotton prints of delightful variety. So many forms of nourishment come from the kitchen.

So when the kitchen is overrun, as it has been for the last two full days, with piles and piles of...well, CRAP...I am miserable. Thus, I make some new rules for the kitchen:

KITCHEN RULES:

1. Do not throw food on the floor (no matter how bad mom's new recipe is.)

2. Always say "please" and "thank you" when requesting or being served.

3. Don't pile things on the island or counters just because mom had cleared them off. Put everything in its proper place.

4. When walking through the kitchen after being in the muddy yard/chicken coop, please remove dirty shoes.

5. Until the puppy is trained, she stays in the laundry room. It is not "sad" or "pathetic," it is sanitary.

6. Pray unceasingly, but particularly before meals. This helps us remember how blessed we are and that it is completely unnecessary to blog for half an hour about how sucky our day was when so many others have it so much worse.

Hmmmmm, perhaps I should have started with #6.

The new Haner wheels

Our "new" Nissan Quest gave a us a great trip up north to visit Scott's sister and her husband. With the two screen DVD player, heated seats, and lots of room to roam, it was heavenly compared to our formerly cramped Volvo quarters. Here's a quick pic I took during our pit stop on the way up. All doors open as the crew exited to stretch and regroup.

Wyatt...

...is kind of starting to talk a little. He has always been very expressive, but he is now making actual words which only I, the beloved mommy interpreter, can translate. :) His latest word is, "Waahhhhh!" instead of "Yah!" when he answers a question.

Mommy: "Do you want to go play in the sandbox?"

Wyatt: "Waaahhhh!"

It took me a little while to figure it out until one time Kya and he answered a question simultaneously, Kya saying "Yaaah!" and Wyatt saying "Waaaahh!" I couldn't help but laugh.

So at 21 months, I am finally getting to hear what my son has to say about things. I can't wait to hear some complete sentences. This kid has a lot going on in his head I am sure of it. Perhaps thoughts like, "Why is it that my mom stays in her jammies all day?" or "How am I expected to get a word in edgewise around here?" I am quite sure he is almost ALWAYS thinking, "How can I climb up on that?"

This morning, he was most certainly thinking, "It feels a little like I'm sleeping in a lake." His diaper was so full that the top front came apart spilling the little gel balls all over the place. His "lovey" blankie was also soaked (but still held close to his little chest) and he STILL didn't want me to change his diaper!!

Shortly after awakening (and having his diaper changed with great struggle), he went in search of the puppy, who was holed up in the laundry room. Since Wyatt can't open the door to the laundry room, he took to talking with the puppy under the door. "Puppa!" "Puppa!" Much whining from both puppy and Wyatt ensued. Ignoring both, I continued to make the oh-so- gourmet breakfast I had begun prior to Wyatt's awakening--yogurt and Cheerios (insert tiny trademark symbol here). A few minutes after plunking the meal on the table, I checked on Wyatt, who was still on his tummy head cocked to the side talking with the puppy, this time next to a completely blank fridge. He had shoved every magnet, artwork piece, and photo within his reach under the door for puppy's viewing (or chewing). No one was whining anymore, but many perfectly good magnets are now being partially digested by our puppy.

Ahhhhh, just another calm quiet morning in the Haner house.

Kya and the New Pooch

So I said I would absolutely not get any more small mammals in our house any time soon, but this sweet puppy stole our hearts. Our dear friend Rossie has a border collie that recently birthed a litter of border collie/chihuahua mix puppies (talk about personality issue potential, right?!!!). We really did just go "to look." Yah right. We have yet to name her, though she looks so much like a panda bear that her name will most certainly be some derivative thereof.

The Unintended Haircut

So, I have been completely exhausted the last few days. Wyatt is sick with some sort of whining virus--no really, whatever the bug is, it has not only given him a fever, but the uncanny ability to whine ALL DAY LONG--oh and sometimes just flat out scream at me for absolutely no reason other than I don't understand his toddler language. The only thing that has ever calmed him is a good ol' bottle of soymilk, but not now!!!! NOTHING soothes other than his "lovey" blankie and Curious George--over and over Curious George--the movie, not the show...and his way of telling me? Stomping up and down and making monkey noises. Ah yes, OF COURSE I was supposed to understand that the first time he did it!??

OK, so my point...today, I fell asleep without meaning to while taking a moment to sit on the couch. Caden and Wyatt were sleeping and Kya was quietly working away with her "arts and crafts" because "Wyatt is sleeping mommy so I can GLUE!!!"

Suddenly Kya's sweet voice was whispering in my ear, "I cut my hair mommy. Look and see." My body shook awake in shock as I looked at the ground, seeing several of my daughter's long golden locks laying there all limp and sad...oh dear oh dear oh dear...

So, I told her why we don't cut our own hair and why only adults can cut hair (this was not well reasoned considering my frustration at both being awakened and seeing my darling girl with what could only be described as a mess on her head.) And I was actually pretty calm about it all considering. I took a deep breath as I cut off a whole lot of hair to make it all even. My heart beat fast and I actually got tears in my eyes...ah, such depth--crying over hair.

But I got myself together and took her in the kitchen where I gave her a bob just above her chin. It's a good thing she's cute and can pull of this look!!!! :)

Complaining is a "home destroyer"

I read this today and it really touched me. I know in our home, the more I am complaining, the less happy everyone is. I hope it helps some of you too!

HOME DESTROYERS
Part 4

Philippians 2:14-15, "Do all things without murmurings and disputing: that ye may be blameless and harmless, the sons of God without rebuke,in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom ye shine as lights in the world."

4. COMPLAINING

Psalm 106:25, "They murmured in their tents, and hearkened not unto the voice of the Lord." Read the story in Numbers chapter 14, especially verses 2 and 27.

Where were the people complaining? In their tents, which were their dwelling places in the wilderness. Where does most complaining happen? In the home. But what does it do? It tears down the home, whether we complain about our circumstances, the work we have to do, or our husband. Not only do the walls of our home hear it, but our children hear it--and God hears it!

The children of Israel murmured and complained against Moses and Aaron, but when God heard it, He said they were complaining against Him. God says in Numbers 14:27, "How long shall I bear with this evil congregation, which murmur against Me? I have heard the murmuring of the children of Israel, which they murmur against Me." Stop press! Help! When we murmur and complain about all our problems, God hears it as murmuring against Him.

The ten spies had returned from spying out the land of Canaan. It was a land flowing with milk and honey, but they complained about the fortified cities and the giants they would have to fight. It looked impossible! Even after all the miracles of coming out of Egypt and provision in the wilderness, they did not believe God could help them. They blamed Moses for bringing them out of Egypt. They complained that all their children would be taken as salves.

What happened? God told them, "Get back into the wilderness..." He told them that they would all die in the wilderness and their children who they complained would be taken as slaves would be the ones who would go into this magnificent land. Where do we end up when we complain? In the wilderness.

Wives and mothers,
we take our families into
a wilderness journey
when we complain!

The root of complaining is unbelief. "Can God furnish a table in the wilderness?" The Israelites cried out in unbelief. (Psalm 78:19). "How could we ever have another baby?" you cry out in unbelief. "We can hardly make ends meet now!" "How can we afford to educate our children?" "How can I put up with this little house any longer? I need more room" And so it goes on.

Here's a good habit to start. Change every sigh into a Hallelujah! Every time you are tempted to complain, turn your heart to the Lord and acknowledge His power and His presence. "Thank you, Lord, I trust you. I know that you are ordering my footsteps. I thank you that you are with me in these circumstances." It will take time to establish this new habit, but keep at it.

It doesn't mean that your circumstances will necessarily change, but you will change. God promises in Isaiah 43:1-3 that when you pass through the waters, that "I will be with you. They will not overflow you." God says that when you go through the fire that "You will not be burned, neither shall the flame kindle upon you."

What is our confession? "I'm going through a fiery trial. I don't know how I can make it." Or, "Thank you, Lord, no matter how hot it gets, I will not be burned because you are with me!"

I remember when complaining as a young child that my mother would immediately direct me to think about those who were poor and suffering in the world and didn't have all the blessings that I had. It's not a bad idea. There are millions in the world who live in abject poverty, without running water, adequate food, shelter or any of the basic amenities of life which we are used to. My husband, who has ministered in the slums of India and many third world countries, often says, "Just to live in a tent in America makes you a millionaire!"

I think about the Karen people, the displaced people of Burma who have been fighting a genocidal war against them from the Burmese government for over 50 years. We complain about keeping up with homeschooling. The Karen try to school their children while they live in hiding. We complain when things are not just as we want them when we give birth. Many Karen mothers give birth while running from the enemy. No time for recovery. No time for relaxing with their baby. No gifts. No excited calls from family and friends.

The wife the founder of the "Free Burma Rangers" shares about the love, forgiveness and generosity of the Karen, even in the midst of suffering and hardship. She says, "The gifts they gave were of themselves--their time, energy and love. In my experience in the West it is easier to go to the store and buy a trinket as a gift. For this reason I have chosen to raise my children in this war. The influence of these people is something I have never experienced anywhere else."

Love from NANCY CAMPBELL

PRAYER:

"Oh Lord, I find it so easy to complain. Please give me strength to create a new habit of praising instead of protesting, gladdening others instead of grumbling and being content instead of complaining. Amen."

AFFIRMATION:

"Not for the lip of praise alone,
Nor e'en the praising heart
I ask, but for a life made up
Of praise in every part!"

Horatius Bonar

Decorating the outside tree

This morning, it was so coooooold. So we put some garland on our pine tree and then ran back in the house...

Tree Trimming with Toddlers

Today we got out the ol' artificial tree (donated by fabulous friend Aimee) and trimmed it without daddy. :( Daddy is busy runnin', whistling and waving his arms around this time of year as high school basketball season is underway. (As most of you know, he's a referee.) So we are often here at the Haner home fending for ourselves--some more than others.

I had to smile at the way the kids' eyes lit up when I opened that big tub of garlands, ornaments, santa hats, snowmen and angels. Seeing Christmas through Kya's eyes especially has given me the renewed energy (WHICH I DESPERATELY NEEDED TODAY) to face Christmas head on and with joy and fervor.

As a sidenote, my energy issue stems from one small person who has taken to being awake every night from 2:30 to 4:30 AM (Caden), and my choice to continue abstaining from coffee to avoid any digestive disturbances in said small person. Diet Pepsi just aint cuttin' it. (Where does the apostrophe go in the word "aint?")

OK, so back to the tree...we got it out, decorated it, and marveled at it...together!! Did you know that small children do not understand the need for decorative balance? If you visit our home and see our tree, you will notice large clusters of angels and other ornaments on just two or three very droopy branches...I tried to explain, "Kya, some of these other branches might be lonely and need some angels and snowmen to keep them company..." This creative explanation fell on deaf ears...so be it, the year of the lopsided Christmas tree...

You'll also note Wyatt spent much of the "decorating time" in the Xmas tree box.

But it's done! We have our decorations up, the wreath on the door, the Grinch and Max atop the entertainment center, and all is well...to tell the kids about Santa or not...now that is the question...

How to not sound so ANNOYED with your kids...

Well, I haven't actually figured that out yet, but I'm going to try...

So, I have kind of been listening to myself lately as though I were a third party hovering above the chaos of my home and I found myself to sound dreadful! I sound constantly annoyed and impatient when I talk to my toddlers. "Did you seriously just write on the floor with a purple Sharpie?" "WHAT are you thinking cleaning the mirror with bar soap?!" "WHY do you feel the need to push and scream at your brother all the time?" "WHY oh WHY did you spill the poopy fish water all over the counter? (during this last comment, I was thanking God every minute the little fish didn't spill out with it!")...

Hence (isn't that a fabulous word?) I am going to try for the next 24 hours (and perhaps longer if it goes well) not to raise my voice or be "annoyed sounding" (or sarcastic--which is completely lost on toddlers and though witty and amusing to my husband and me, terribly unappreciated by the younger set).

I'll let you know how it goes. My poor kids need my voice to be music to their ears not a harsh tearing down of their little self esteems...Pray for me.

In the Kitchen today

YESTERDAY's GOALS: Accomplished all but one. I did not get to my thank you notes, so today, I will do four thank you notes. My sweet hubby accomplished the laundry goal FOR me while I was at Christmas bunco, which was SO fun!

Inspired by the beautiful home I visited last night, I am doing a little redecorating today. I am starting in the kitchen with the following goals:

1. Declutter all surfaces.

2. Thoroughly clean all surfaces and floors.

3. Make sure all dishes are clean and put away.

4. Clean crock pot.

5. Start dinner around 4:00 and make a delicious dessert.

6. Write four thank yous.

7. Start secret sister gift and make present for Ilona's birthday.

8. Touch up paint in the kitchen and add one decorative element.

I received a special gift from my MOPS secret sister last night--a new mug and some Lipton Mango green tea. YUMMY! I am starting the day right with a little caffeine (only 12 mg) and a delicious warm beverage to help my demeanor be calm and loving (we'll see how long that lasts! Everyone is still sleeping; LOL!)

Goals for the Day

1. Clean Kya's room.
2. Do one complete load of laundry including putting away (this is hard for me).
3. Make cookies for daddy.
4. Write and send two thank you cards.
5. Spend fifteen minutes of learning time with Kya individually.
6. Spend fifteen minutes reading Wyatt a book by himself.

Thanksgiving Pics

Caden's birth

On November 11, 2008, Veteran's Day, at 5:59 a.m., I was lying in bed next to my sweet husband when I felt a contraction rip through my body. "Whew! That felt like the real thing," I thought to myself as I began to breathe again. I decided to wake Scott if I had just one more such contraction...three minutes later, the second contraction rocked my body. "Honey, it's time." Through a bleary eyed haze, Scott got up and mumbled something about calling Debbie, our babysitter. He slowly but decisively got all our things together as I brushed my hair and teeth, steeling myself against the every three minutes of intense pain. I would wait til one passed and then run around like a crazy woman thinking, "I only have three minutes to..." I found my way to the already running Volvo in the cool of the morning and sat with my hand familiarly on the handle of the window staring at the digital clock. My dad drove up in between contractions and I said, "Hey dad, I can talk to ya for the next one and a half minutes!" I felt happy and calm and excited and anxious all at once.

We arrived at the hospital at about 7:00 AM. I had one contraction in the parking lot, one in the elevator, and one in the hospital room while changing into my gown. They were coming faster now and I reminded Scott that I needed the rail up on the bed so I could assume my "usual" position on my right side, breathing "hee hee hoo hoo shoooooo shoooooo" while holding onto my little stuffed animal, this time a small fluffy ducky. A nurse came in to check me and get my vitals. After doing so, she quickly said, "Don't push!"

Dr. Ynostroza arrived shortly after (that guy is amazing!) although my sense of time had slowly faded into the blackness of my focused breathing and searing pain. I vaguely heard a nurse say, "She is very controlled." Little did she know that a mere ten minutes later (I think) I would be screaming in agony as my 10 lb. 2 oz. baby lodged himself in my pelvis facing sideways (babies are supposed to come out facing down with the smallest portion of their head coming through the birth canal first). Caden was coming with the fullest width of his little head first and he was stuck and it HURT!!!!

Dr. Y was patient though and eventually with one of my screaming pushes, used the vacuum to suck his head right out...but now his shoulders...oh those shoulders...broad and strong like his daddy. They were stuck too and they wanted to me to push AGAIN! "I CAN'T!" I wanted to say, but I dutifully pushed and screamed a few more times and out he came. Dr. Y smirked when they put Caden on the scale and it registered 10 lbs 2 oz. "He would have been 10 lbs 4 oz. if he hadn't pee'd on me," Dr. Y said.

And so arrived our little linebacker at 8:05 AM after two hours and five minutes of labor. He spent two full days and nights in the hospital due to low blood sugar and battled weight loss for the first ten days of his life (mama couldn't quite keep up the supply for such a big baby's food demands.) But now he is well and gaining weight. He is exceptionally mild mannered and seldom cries. He sleeps soundly and wakes only to eat and be changed and look around a little now and then. He even smiles occasionally, so far exhibiting at least one of the Haner-McQuerrey dimples. :) He is quickly outgrowing his 0-3 month clothes and newborn diapers as I try to soak in these fleeting moments of newborn-ness.

Motherhood is grand. I am beyond thankful for my husband who has watched and cared for our other two little ones during this time of constant breastfeeding and attention I must give Caden. Scott Haner, I am one lucky woman to have you as my husband, friend and father of our kiddos. Thank you for giving me these amazing little blessings who have changed my character for the better.

Feeling Like an Invisible Mom?

You may have seen this in an email. I received it today from a friend and thought I would post it for all the mommies out there building great cathedrals...

"It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'; I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral l while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of
my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the
world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!"