When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. Isaiah 43:2

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Fourth Time's the Charm

I have never had a fussy baby. I could always soothe, nurse, pacify, what have you, all of my babies. I thought it was because I was a good mother.

Enter Addie...

If I am not nursing her, or holding her, she is screaming...like a banshee...a life-altering, someone is murdering me, please call 911, kind of screaming.

And I am baffled.

I know she is not sick or terribly hurt, because when I hold her or nurse her, she calms down and is quiet.

But there is no chair, swing, swaddle, that can calm her once she gets to screamin'.

Last night, I finally got her to sleep in the crook of my arm at 3am, and suddenly I heard an annoying beeping. In my stupor, I thought surely it was Scott's alarm and I was SO ANNOYED...but no, it was mine. One of the boys was playing with it yesterday and must have set it accidentally...I could have DIED. Sure enough, within moments, Addie was awake and crying.

Strangely, I feel mostly calm through all this. I haven't lost my patience with her or the kids (just Scott, but to be fair, he has deserved it a little--his obsession with the tractor has gotten a bit ridiculous) and I feel like God is really listening when I pray.

My prayers are not for her to stop crying interestingly, but I feel I have been led to pray that God would show me what he is trying to teach me, that he would help me to keep my calm in the storm, and that he would give me the strength to be a good teacher, mother, and nurturer even when I am really really tired.

This is the time in life when my maturity is tested. Do I cry out to Scott that I can't take it anymore and melt into a puddle of tears reaching for pity at every turn? Or do I cry out to the Lord for strength to handle this blessing he has given to us and extra joy and energy beyond human understanding?

I think the choice is clear. But, sometimes, in the wee hours of the night, when I am trying to hush little Addie so as to not wake anyone else in the house, I still wonder if I am the only freakin' one awake in the whole city????!!!!!


Lift Up Your Hearts said...

{{{{{{{{{{{Tara and Addie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I just was thinking what a neat bond you will feel with your precious fourth as you work through this together. Someday (I know you do a little bit even now!) you will cherish the special times you had with her, even if she did spend it screaming. LOL Do you have a good sling?

Raquel said...

ahhh hugs friends!!!

when Kya came by today i said "where is your momma" she said " at home Addie keeps crying and we can not figure out why" lol you had to hear how she said it it was the cutest thing EVER =)

Amanda said...

It sounds like you are at where I was 9 months ago. All the attention does help the bonding, though. Good luck! This too shall pass.

Patty said...

My second child was a "bit crabby". After having a really mello first, this really was hard for me. I didn't realize my first was so mello, I just thought I was being an amazing mom! Funny how God snapped me to reality with the second. If it's any consolation, my second has been the easiest of teenagers. I think I must have paid it forward with those sleepless nights when she was a baby. I think your attitude is amazing. Remember, this too shall pass.

jen said...

I remember so many times crying out in the middle of the night, "God, I cannot take one more minute of this. Make this kid sleep or I may go insane or hurt them."
Never went insane. Never hurt them.
But it did prepare me for losing sleep with teenagers.
Good luck. No magic formula. Wish I lived closer so we could be up together. Babies are hard but that's why they come so cute.

brooke said...

I'm in another city but I'm awake too darling! My baby is up every two hours inthe night! I'm a zombie during the day.

I hope it gets better for you. That sucks that she won't do time in the swing or bouncer so you can get stuff done!

On another note, I love the name and her picture on your header is adorable. She has the greatest hair!

kt said...

Kids are so hard to deal with but the rewards are amazing.

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