Fourth Time's the Charm

I have never had a fussy baby. I could always soothe, nurse, pacify, what have you, all of my babies. I thought it was because I was a good mother.

Enter Addie...

If I am not nursing her, or holding her, she is screaming...like a banshee...a life-altering, someone is murdering me, please call 911, kind of screaming.

And I am baffled.

I know she is not sick or terribly hurt, because when I hold her or nurse her, she calms down and is quiet.

But there is no chair, swing, swaddle, that can calm her once she gets to screamin'.

Last night, I finally got her to sleep in the crook of my arm at 3am, and suddenly I heard an annoying beeping. In my stupor, I thought surely it was Scott's alarm and I was SO ANNOYED...but no, it was mine. One of the boys was playing with it yesterday and must have set it accidentally...I could have DIED. Sure enough, within moments, Addie was awake and crying.

Strangely, I feel mostly calm through all this. I haven't lost my patience with her or the kids (just Scott, but to be fair, he has deserved it a little--his obsession with the tractor has gotten a bit ridiculous) and I feel like God is really listening when I pray.

My prayers are not for her to stop crying interestingly, but I feel I have been led to pray that God would show me what he is trying to teach me, that he would help me to keep my calm in the storm, and that he would give me the strength to be a good teacher, mother, and nurturer even when I am really really tired.

This is the time in life when my maturity is tested. Do I cry out to Scott that I can't take it anymore and melt into a puddle of tears reaching for pity at every turn? Or do I cry out to the Lord for strength to handle this blessing he has given to us and extra joy and energy beyond human understanding?

I think the choice is clear. But, sometimes, in the wee hours of the night, when I am trying to hush little Addie so as to not wake anyone else in the house, I still wonder if I am the only freakin' one awake in the whole city????!!!!!

Recent Happenings

We are in the process of learning to breastfeed again, moving, and not sleeping. Consequently, no recent updates have been posted and of course, I can't find my camera cord to post pictures.

So, here's a brief picture-less synopsis of random happenings the past two weeks:

1. Addie cried through her entire JC Penney picture sitting. Apparently, they allow ten minutes...period...for each session. Addie spends about ten minutes a day NOT crying and she did not choose 1:20 on Friday for her ten minute non-crying jag. So, I suppose it was a good capturing of reality. Oh, and did I tell you I win the mom of the year award for offering my infant a sucker to try to get her to stop crying? Yeah, call CPS. I just wanted ONE GOOD PICTURE!!!

2. We are moving out of the house, but it's no fun, so we spend a lot of time planning the new house decor, gardens, etc. It's now time to get down to business. One room a day for the next week. No excuses--even though I sleep maybe 2 hours per 24 lately caring for very cranky Addie.

3. We went to the lake with the Steele family and had a blast even though it was 240 degrees (that's Fahrenheit.)

4. My husband is incredible...

5. I made a great all natural lemon bar recipe this week. SO good.

6. I inherited a Bosch mixer and I cried when sweet lovely Rhonda offered it to me. What could I have possible done Lord to deserve such a gift??? Tell me so I can do it some more! :)

7. I don't really like flabby-after-baby-belly, but I have lost twenty five pounds since giving birth and only have about twenty more to be back to pre-baby weight! Hurray!

8. I am thankful for friends who come through in a pinch; I am blessed with lots of folks in my life who I can ALWAYS count on. That's rare. And I'm quite sure I am not nearly so reliable.

9. I know that I know that I know God provided this house we are moving to and the renters who are moving into our house. The blessings of both lined up more perfectly than humanly understandable. I will have to blog it all one day.

10. Cold ice water in a mason jar. Is there anything better on a hot summer day?

11. We have a tractor--an old (I mean like antique old) Massey Ferguson that smokes so much when it's running I am requiring Scott to wear a mask when he's running it (which he would do all day every day if he could, and which he looks SOOOOOOO cute doing.)

12. We may be inheriting a puppy...a beautiful Aussie just like our old beloved Maggie (may she rest in peace.) What's that? I'm crazy to bring a puppy into the mix with the new house and new baby? Nah. Crazy would be to live a boring adventure-less (not a word according to my spell checker) life! :)

Blessings! XOXO

Embarrassment Breeds Motivation

There's nothing like a little embarrassment to motivate me.

Two days ago, Scott took a picture of me passed out on the couch nursing Addie. I had a double chin and a muffin top. It was not pretty. So, I ordered some workout clothes and intend to hit the gym as soon as my healing body will allow. I would also like to order a figure like Kelly Ripa's please.

P.S. I feel better after giving birth to my fourth child than I did after my first! I could have danced a jig on day three! And I never took a single pain med! Second, a well-meaning individual, who shall remain nameless, was entering my home with my four year old daughter, Kya. Kya stated to said individual, "I'm so sorry our house is a wreck."

If that was not embarrassment enough, this individual replied, "That's what happens when you have too many children."

Needless to say, I am on the road to becoming an immaculate housekeeper...this week. Sometimes, a little embarrassment goes a long way toward motivation. And I'm OK with that.

The Motherhood Calling

From the time I could string two words together, I remember longing to be around babies...

I couldn't wait to hold other people's babies.

I remember arguing with my mom when she told me not to be so pushy with people about holding their children. I honestly didn't understand why anybody wouldn't want me to hold their eight week old baby. Surely there could be no one else who wanted to do so more or who would take as great care with their baby as I.

I always longed to be around little children, making them smile, teaching them, feeding them, cuddling them.

And then I got sidetracked.

I got sidetracked with the expectations of other people mostly, but also with the world's promises of prestige, of money, of lofty educational goals (not that education is ever a bad thing, but for me, it was about the wrong things at times), of being somebody more than just a mere mother.

Voices of close loved ones whispered (and sometimes shouted) that someone as smart as I should not settle for just being a stay at home mom.

Voices of strangers bombard me wherever I go with my brood...

"You must be exhausted."

"You've got your hands full."

"Oh my gosh honey; I bet you'll be glad when they're all in school."

But I have stopped listening to those voices, because finally, in the quiet moments, I can hear God saying this is what He made me for. This is the passion He planted in me. This is what I live and breathe to do.

I know not everyone is called to this. Not everyone finds the moments of chaos, four children singing, shouting, playing, screaming, crying and making messes, to be pleasant. But God made me to love it and as crazy as it sounds, I do.

It is a rare person who gets to wake up everyday and do what they are passionate about. I am so thankful for the opportunity each day to realize my dream...to simply be a mom.