Caden's birth

On November 11, 2008, Veteran's Day, at 5:59 a.m., I was lying in bed next to my sweet husband when I felt a contraction rip through my body. "Whew! That felt like the real thing," I thought to myself as I began to breathe again. I decided to wake Scott if I had just one more such contraction...three minutes later, the second contraction rocked my body. "Honey, it's time." Through a bleary eyed haze, Scott got up and mumbled something about calling Debbie, our babysitter. He slowly but decisively got all our things together as I brushed my hair and teeth, steeling myself against the every three minutes of intense pain. I would wait til one passed and then run around like a crazy woman thinking, "I only have three minutes to..." I found my way to the already running Volvo in the cool of the morning and sat with my hand familiarly on the handle of the window staring at the digital clock. My dad drove up in between contractions and I said, "Hey dad, I can talk to ya for the next one and a half minutes!" I felt happy and calm and excited and anxious all at once.

We arrived at the hospital at about 7:00 AM. I had one contraction in the parking lot, one in the elevator, and one in the hospital room while changing into my gown. They were coming faster now and I reminded Scott that I needed the rail up on the bed so I could assume my "usual" position on my right side, breathing "hee hee hoo hoo shoooooo shoooooo" while holding onto my little stuffed animal, this time a small fluffy ducky. A nurse came in to check me and get my vitals. After doing so, she quickly said, "Don't push!"

Dr. Ynostroza arrived shortly after (that guy is amazing!) although my sense of time had slowly faded into the blackness of my focused breathing and searing pain. I vaguely heard a nurse say, "She is very controlled." Little did she know that a mere ten minutes later (I think) I would be screaming in agony as my 10 lb. 2 oz. baby lodged himself in my pelvis facing sideways (babies are supposed to come out facing down with the smallest portion of their head coming through the birth canal first). Caden was coming with the fullest width of his little head first and he was stuck and it HURT!!!!

Dr. Y was patient though and eventually with one of my screaming pushes, used the vacuum to suck his head right out...but now his shoulders...oh those shoulders...broad and strong like his daddy. They were stuck too and they wanted to me to push AGAIN! "I CAN'T!" I wanted to say, but I dutifully pushed and screamed a few more times and out he came. Dr. Y smirked when they put Caden on the scale and it registered 10 lbs 2 oz. "He would have been 10 lbs 4 oz. if he hadn't pee'd on me," Dr. Y said.

And so arrived our little linebacker at 8:05 AM after two hours and five minutes of labor. He spent two full days and nights in the hospital due to low blood sugar and battled weight loss for the first ten days of his life (mama couldn't quite keep up the supply for such a big baby's food demands.) But now he is well and gaining weight. He is exceptionally mild mannered and seldom cries. He sleeps soundly and wakes only to eat and be changed and look around a little now and then. He even smiles occasionally, so far exhibiting at least one of the Haner-McQuerrey dimples. :) He is quickly outgrowing his 0-3 month clothes and newborn diapers as I try to soak in these fleeting moments of newborn-ness.

Motherhood is grand. I am beyond thankful for my husband who has watched and cared for our other two little ones during this time of constant breastfeeding and attention I must give Caden. Scott Haner, I am one lucky woman to have you as my husband, friend and father of our kiddos. Thank you for giving me these amazing little blessings who have changed my character for the better.

Feeling Like an Invisible Mom?

You may have seen this in an email. I received it today from a friend and thought I would post it for all the mommies out there building great cathedrals...

"It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.
No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'; I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'
It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral l while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte . I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of
my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.
When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the
world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!"

A New Haner Comes Home

Caden Michael Haner was born 11/11/2008. He was 10 lbs. 2 oz. and 21 3/4 inches long! More birth story to come... Mommy and her VERY big boy!

The kids were so happy to have their brother home.

Daddy holding new son. :)

My Indigo Girls

Connected from the first moment they met...these two are kindred spirits.

Still no baby...

Is tonight the night?

All signs point to tonight for this baby's arrival. We'll keep you posted. :)

Happy Halloween from the Haner Fam!

We almost canceled Halloween this year what with ear aches and fevers, but everyone pulled together and seemed almost healthy for a few hours as we made the most of our lovely Fall evening. We are so blessed to have great neighbors (who put up with roosters crowing and babies screaming!) who give out extra special love and goodie bags to our kiddos. It still fascinates me when vans full of folks from other neighborhoods drop off their kids here to trick or treat, but while others are annoyed, I feel thankful and complimented. Here are the pics (mostly of kitty Kya since doggy Wyatt was busy running running RUNNING everywhere!) Scott and I dressed as referees (with whistles and all!) but we forgot to get pictures. I was accused by one rogue trick or treater of "eating a soccer ball." No contractions on Halloween praise God! One on April Fool's and one on Halloween would have been rough.