As for the Haner Home

The Truth Is...

2011-05-17T09:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it is not necessary to share whatever pops into your head. This is a little trick that most people learned a long time ago, but I'm new to it. And, it takes some self control on my part.

My instinct is to share...and share...and share...

And, there are SOME people who have liked that about me--like my parents, who had no one else to listen to BUT me as I grew up an only child.

But recently, I've realized, other people like to talk too! And it is nice to listen to them, ask them questions about themselves, really get to the heart of who they are in a conversation.

I have grown to love and appreciate and learn from those in my life who take the time to listen. This includes my husband, the best listener I know.

Random thought for the day. The end.

It Passes

2011-05-07T23:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, in the thick of things with four children, I lose sight of how far we've come. I remember this day (pictured below), when Addie was just a few days old, for instance, thinking she would never gain weight, never stop crying, we would never have the house packed and moved...

And here we are, with Addie ten months old, happy as can be, weighing a whopping 25.5 pounds and peacefully settled in our new home.

And through it all, there is always this man, supporting us and loving us...and telling us when things get rough, "It'll pass."

It does...sometimes toooooo stinkin' fast.

I love you Papa Mac!

Finally!

2011-05-02T06:23:00.000-07:00

Finally, we have a picture of our whole family--some in pirate attire, one in Mickey Mouse (we're an eclectic bunch and had just come from a pirate birthday party--to which Caden went as Mickey Mouse...and Addie as a princess...hmmm, perhaps this explanation is more confusing than explanatory...).

Anyway, Grammie captured a photo of our whole crew! Brooke, if you're reading, we followed NONE of your photo taking advice--except thank God I didn't have a sleeveless top. And Scott is wearing this shirt I got him that I LOVE and he HATES. Such a sport.

It's US! ALL SIX OF US! I am SO happy!

Messy Garage and the Truck of Glory

2011-04-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This is NOT nor will this EVER be a picture resembling our garage...and I have no idea where I got it.

My husband is cleaning out the garage for Spring Break...again. Every vacation starts with a declaration that his sweet old truck deserves shelter in its old age and so it begins. Every. single. thing....we have stuffed, shoved, slid, or hid(den) in the garage for the past six months gets dragged out onto the driveway.

And about half of it gets shoved, pushed, slid, or hidden right back in albeit in a much neater and more organized fashion...until the next six months take their inevitable toll.

This time, it is ever so much more urgent that the truck be housed in the garage again because the neighborhood dogs (and if we are honest about it, our dogs probably too) pee all over Scott's new tires every morning. He hates it. It is somehow insulting to both the truck and to his masculinity.

In addition to that impetus, we also had the added intrigue of moving twenty adolescent chickens out of the "temporary" garage coop (which was exceedingly long term for them I think since by the end they were actually perching ON TOP of one another) as well, along with the dust, feed, watering apparati (plural of apparatus, right?), and mountains of poo...out to the official chicken coop area.

The old ugly chickens (I'm not being harsh, it is absolutely the honest truth--many had not one. single. tail feather left) were graciously taken by a man Scott befriended on the custodial staff at school...I believe he and his family may be eating them as I type. I'm not thinking about that anymore...

Scott put in a new garage sink today, had the toilet cleaned (totally NOT by me, but by our unfortunate cleaning lady)--Oh, what's that you say? A toilet in the garage? Odd? You have no idea. I can't go into the oddity of it right now, but my husband thinks the garage toilet (mind you, there is no "stall" around said toilet), is one of the single greatest things about this house. Until you go out to talk to your husband and find him, well, you know...bleh.

Anyhoo, not thinking about that anymore either...

Perhaps I will post a real "after" picture soon. Then again, perhaps we will be revisiting this post again next spring...

P.S. I know this post is light-hearted, but in all seriousness, a dear friend of mine's husband is in the hospital and is very ill. They have a big family like we do and homeschool. Daddy is their world. If you have a moment, could you please pray for the Payne family, and especially for Alif, the dad? I sure would appreciate it.

XOXOX

Once Upon a Time...

2011-04-07T14:10:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl who always dreamed of having little boys. And then she had a girl. And she loved the little girl more than she could possibly imagine. At times she felt as though her heart might break with the love she felt for the little girl and she could not imagine a little boy could capture her affections in the same way.

And then she had a little boy. And she adored him. She adored his breath on her cheek while he slept and his impossibly impish grin. She marveled at how different two children could be and often misunderstood his passive frustration to be shyness and/or deliberate rudeness. Once she "figured him out," they became very close.

Then another little boy came along, full of joy and giggles. His sensitivity and passion rivaled only her own and they instantly bonded and became "happy guys," for this was the second little boy's favorite phrase.

And then came another little girl...who was nothing like the rest. She cried for four months straight and then smiled for the next five months straight. She left her mommy at a loss for words because her mommy was SO THANKFUL the little girl STOPPED CRYING. And even more thankful she became such a happy little girl.

The End.

Half as Many Kids

2011-03-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

I was looking back this morning remembering when we had half as many kids...and I really thought we were busier and more stressed out then! Something about having more than three...it all became much more relaxed. That's our beloved Maggie dog in the background there. I miss her. I know it's cliche, but where did the time GO??

A Three Year Old Cleans His Room

2011-03-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

This is Wyatt's version of making the bed and cleaning his room. Believe it or not, it's a great improvement. It won't win any awards, but as long as he spreads out the blankets (three of our kids sleep in this bed every night, all with very colorful blankies and multi-colored pillow cases.) I had visions of unified color schemes, but I suppose they'll wait for another season...I am happy with his job...and so is he. That dog on the side of the bed there is "Ginger", Kya's special doggy. Those two socks on the floor are actually right where Wyatt PUT them in case someone might need some socks when they get out of bed in the night to go potty and have cold feet. Nice thinking, eh?
That large black monstrosity on the right is an air filter that claims to purify the air in the room of particulate matter, which although probably a bunch of hooey, makes my mommy heart feel better raising our kids in this toxic city (and with our menagerie of dander-makers)! LOL!

PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES

2011-03-25T13:41:00.001-07:00

Personality Differences

Happy Country Girl

2011-03-25T07:42:00.000-07:00

She was running to tell me something... It was very important...
I dug a hole mom...
And I'm planting a seed...just like daddy....

Who's Bleeding?

2011-03-23T19:36:00.000-07:00

OK, so there have been strange tiny blood droplets outside on the sidewalk and then today in our hallway (thank goodness it's hard tile that cleans oh so easily.) I have inspected every child, dog, cat, and rodent (well, no, not really), but most of the rest and no trace of injury or bloody nose or any other...uh...part. It is common to have bleeding injuries here with four children and a part of our DNA hard-wired for clumsiness (it's the Scottish, I'm convinced of it), but this remains a mystery...

Teaching Freshmen

2011-03-23T10:56:00.000-07:00

My husband refuses to blog, so I have to share some of his stories.

He teaches math...high school math...to freshmen...who couldn't give a RIP about math...

So, he has been trying to teach them manners in addition to math...also not a RIP.

So, he teaches them the flag salute. Even less of a RIP.

Today, for the 400th time, he said, "Please stand for the flag salute."

A freshman girl in the back said grudgingly, "I hate standing up..." Who says that? I HATE standing up??????

Scott laughed the rest of the period. I have been laughing ever since he told me. Sweet Jesus help my husband with this job. It is ever so unrewarding at times...

If I Could Choose...

2011-03-23T10:40:00.000-07:00

...I would wear this outfit or some variation of it, every day. Oh, and if I could be this skinny, it would be great too...

I have ONE favorite pair of jeans that fits when I'm this size (sort of in between 10 and 12). They fit perfectly, come up high enough to hold in my tummy without being too "mom-ish," and have some good stretchiness that holds in all the wiggly parts...I got them at Target years ago, and I've never ever been able to find a pair more flattering or that I love as much. I wear them three days in a row, wash them, and keep wearing them. On laundry day, I wear yoga pants grudgingly.

A friend recently complimented my bum in them and I said, truthfully, "It's the jeans."

Do you have a favorite outfit?

Picture from here: http://thepleatedpoppy.com/2011/03/what-i-wore-wednesday-17/

What's The Deal With Grass Fed Beef?

2011-03-23T00:05:00.000-07:00

We've been debating buying a quarter of a grass fed cow this year. It's pricey. But, after reading this confirming article about conjugated linoleic acid, among other healthful attributes, we are committed to fillin' up our freezer with this delicious stuff.

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/03/23/conjugated-linoleic-acid-from-grass-fed-beef.aspx

This Is The Day...

2011-03-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

...that we played in the great outdoors, weeded the berry patch, swept the porch and did lots of mundane things. We read a book called "Blueberries for Sal" (thought it was a typo too, but the little girl's name was Sal. Ha!) We realized we were out of toilet paper. We looked at clouds and pretended raccoons were chasing us. There were short naps, Winnie the Pooh movie twice, and moving the dollhouse to a more accessible location. There was a bucket of crayons spilled on the floor by Addie...hundreds of crayons...and they are still on the floor. Ham in the oven for dinner, cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Just a regular ol' day, but it was good.

Two Minutes of Parenting Brilliance...

2011-03-21T12:41:00.000-07:00

For more, check out Getting to the Heart of Parenting by Paul Tripp.

Common Phrase of the Week...

2011-03-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

"Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooom, Addie's in the dog water again!!!!"

Drink Water

2011-03-20T04:44:00.000-07:00

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/03/16/new-report-shows-how-you-get-addicted-to-diet-soda.aspx

I Heart Martha

2011-03-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

There is something ridiculous in this recipe that makes every muscle in my body melt.

Brownie hearts with leftover chocolate brownie balls powdered in cocoa...seriously? Sigh...

Dare ya.

Tara-Style

2011-03-19T13:17:00.001-07:00

I am ready to have a hair makeover. Call me vain, but sometimes a mommy needs to feel pretty...sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder where I went. Not in a miserable way...I just don't look like the girl I remember. Sagging, time, sun, children, caffeine...they have taken a bit of a toll. I'm still pretty cute I think, for my age, but I could stand a little more attention to detail, if you know what I mean...like my toe nails. Once, perfectly pedicured in any season, they could now be used to climb tough tree bark, if you get my drift.

Anyway, I used to at least have a sense of Tara-style, a sense of my own unique beauty...and although wifehood and mommyhood now take precedence in terms of time (rightly so) over self-beautification, when I feel good about myself, I am a better wife and mom.

I am thankful that God gave me unique features. I don't desire to be just like anyone else. And I try hard not to covet the gifts of skinniness, shiny hair, whiter teeth, or better wardrobes that some of my friends have. God made me. And I like what He makes!

Isaiah 45:9-12 is on point:
Woe to him who strives with his Maker!
Let the potsherd strive with the potsherds of the earth!
Shall the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’
Or shall your handiwork say, ‘He has no hands’?
10 Woe to him who says to his father, ‘What are you begetting?’
Or to the woman, ‘What have you brought forth?’”
11 Thus says the LORD,
The Holy One of Israel, and his Maker:

“ Ask Me of things to come concerning My sons;
And concerning the work of My hands, you command Me.
12 I have made the earth,
And created man on it.
I—My hands—stretched out the heavens,
And all their host I have commanded.

So, lately, although totally thankful for the way God made me, I have also been aware that God made me with a desire to beautify and be creative in terms of my unique style! In particular, I have been searching for a pretty hair color closer to my natural color...my hair's roots are more pronounced than the veggies' in the garden! Haaaaa!

I found this girl (who I have never heard of before) in the InStyle website. Ashley Greene? I suppose she must be pretty popular, but seeing as my knowledge of anything vampire-related is minimal, she is new to me!

I really like her style though. And her hair color (pictured above) is yummy--like caramel sauce. I think I could do caramel sauce hair. Do you have a celebrity whose style you love?

Material Wealth...

2011-03-19T11:25:00.000-07:00

I have learned to enjoy being frugal. It, along with my awesome husband's job and commitment, lets me stay home with my kiddos. The autonomy of homemaking, and the ability to raise our kiddos ourselves, homeschool, decide when we get up, where we go, who we see, what we'll make, whether I'll get out of my pajamas...well, there isn't really a price tag I could put on those things. But, if there was, it would be BIG.

Money is on my mind lately. I am not stressed about it. I can't be. God has provided for us BEYOND my wildest dreams, and I wouldn't want to spit in His face with worry or anxiety. In fact, I am probably overly confident if anything. But, I also don't buy stuff. And I have a very set allowance. So, there's not a lot of damage I can do!! Ha!!

But, this month's topic at MITW (Mommies in the Word, a group God has blessed me with the ability to host at our home each month) is material wealth...what God wants us to do with it, how to live frugally, be a good steward of our blessings, serve others and give to others, etc., etc. I'm not very good (obviously) about making a nice concise title for our MITW topics.

As I research this month's MITW topic, I can't help but be amazed at the things God just plops down in my lap. I always pray before each topic selection for God's guidance. Then, without an agenda, I set out to find what God might have for us mommies on the topic. I start out with some Google searches, and some deep Bible study, but without fail, God puts things in my path without my searching, that speak to the topics in a powerful way.

Today, this came to my inbox. I think it is pretty powerful stuff for us to remember...the title here (much more concise than mine) is, "MONEY CAN'T SAVE US... "

http://ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com/2011/03/money-cant-save-us.html

I'm Back...

2011-03-18T13:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back.

"What? Where'd she go?" I hear you saying...

Well, I was in Facebook land.

It was a deceptive time away in that I didn't know I was away.

But, when I finally came to the realization that I was using up my time there instead of building my home, my family, my faith, my REAL friendships, doing laundry, maintaining and improving my health...well, I finally has the courage to say, "NO MORE!"

So, in an effort to still connect with folks and update those who really really really want to know what the Haner family is up to (there may not be any such people, but I'm hopeful), I am going to update this blog and my Frugal Farm Girl Fixes blog as well. I'll link that up to this blog later.

KIDS: As an update, Addie is eight months old and the happiest baby you've ever known (quite a 180 from her first few months), she stands up and waves now. She eats A LOT! Kya has completed kindergarten math and is on to first Grade work, she adores drawing and writing her own poetry and will begin ballet this summer. She can easily read most first and second grade readers and I LOVE listening to her read aloud to the boys...

Wyatt is coming into his own with a tough exterior and a soft heart. We have implemented a more "just" discipline system for he and his brother, which involves allowing him to voice his thoughts (something heretofore unheard of---WHAT?! ALLOW A CHILD TO EXPLAIN HIMSELF???!!!! POPPYCOCK!!!) But seriously, it has changed his entire disposition and self worth--just being able to explain what happened and seek justice from us instead of the prior "toy time out" technique whenever a brotherly squabble arose. More on this later...

Caden is our "happy guy." He talks A LOT!!! He smiles, and often declares it time for a Haner "GWOUP HUG!!!" He is sunshine and light...punctuated by an occasional stormy two year old fit. :) He is ENORMOUS, often mistaken for a three or four year old, even though he is not even two and a half until MAY!

FARM: Our farm is taking shape. We have a new flock of chickens who will soon be replacing the old girls (sad, but necessary.) We are still not sure what to do with the old girls...breaking their necks and cookin' up some soup seems so cruel...stay tuned for the conclusion of this little dilemma...

We have planted artichokes, peas, broccoli, cabbage, lettuce, grapes, berries (logan, black, boysen, rasp, straw, etc.), asparagus, and I'm sure some other things I can't recall...our orchard now has nectarines, plums, pluots, limes, oranges, lemons, grapefruit...and something else. I am currently charged with making a master plan of the farm with planting dates, fertilizing schedules, and soil amendment charts...yeah, this is exaaaaactly why I had to quit Facebook...

HOUSE: The house is shaping up just swimmingly. I have added a mud room to the laundry room, with a chalkboard wall that contains our verse of the day, menu plan, and something I am thinking about (or should remember) about our family focus. Currently, we are working on frugal living, service, giving, and using our material wealth in a way that is pleasing to God. We have been so incredibly blessed, and want to make sure we continue to serve Him with our blessings...

MINISTRY: I will be reporting more information as I research this topic for Mommies in the Word, which will be meeting here on April 4th!!! This group of women blesses me immeasurably...a group of women who delve with me into the Bible to find answers to common queries...a group that laughs and embraces womanhood and motherhood...a group that regularly makes me cry for joy. To finally find a group of women to walk alongside me in this journey away from common cultural norms, toward raising kids with a good work ethic, servants' hearts, who love their siblings and who actually choose to spend time with family, and who know a very real and personal relationship with God, is INCREDIBLE. Most days, I feel like a failure on all these fronts, but coming alongside other women who are trying too, and knowing women who have done it and succeeded, helps with the daily grind. We can help each other see the fruit at the end of the tunnel, if you will. And it is good.

My camera cord is still hiding, so when it surfaces, this blog will be flooded with months of photos. Until then, dreary ol' words will have to suffice.

BLESSINGS!!!

Limits

2011-01-13T22:36:00.000-08:00

Have you heard the woman's story who did the Ironman with very little training or preparation, but ended up in first place at the end of the race...except her body started to quit on her...first her legs, then her whole body, then she lost control of her bodily functions...I don't even know if she finished; I have to assume she did because of the viral impact of her story. I mean if my cable-less homeschooling, hermit-like self has heard about it...well...you get the point.

Anyway, her story made me think. We all have physical limits and mental limits and emotional limits. We have a breaking point...but that small voice in your head can sure make you go farther and longer and harder than you ever thought you could at times.

The Ironman lady said she heard that voice telling her...willing her.."Get up!" GET. UP!!!"

I find that we often have much more in reserve than we might think.

I find that being pushed to the limit once in a while grows character.

I find that being a mom of four has often pushed me to limits I never thought I could endure...of love, heartbreak, worry, joy, and exhaustion...

But I find that I love it...

...like I love pushing myself to run a little faster or do a few more crunches at the gym after it really seems like I can't do anymore...it just feels good.

I love that my character and my physical body are stretched and pushed and strained by mothering and homeschooling my four children.

I love that when I have had 15 minutes of sleep in a night, I can still muster the voice and energy to hold and sing to my baby before her nap...or laugh at my two year old's ridiculously illogical knock knock jokes.

And I can always find a way to prepare three meals a day for my children (I didn't say anything about doing the dishes afterward.) And most of all, I can now say I am mastering the ability to control my temper and find patience and strength to show up for duty 24 hours a day, seven days a week without yelling. (Only by God's presence in our home and his merciful grace with me over the past four years of my own personal battle with temper tantrums has this been possible).

And I find that those moments of extreme really clarify my priorities.

I find myself searching more for the best and the "real" instead of the urgent and superficial. And that is good.

I find my relationship to God deepened and the love in my heart expanded after being stretched and pushed.

I sometimes find myself humbled and often embarassed after such times...but always more wide-eyed and appreciative.

I have experienced a physical extreme of sorts these past few months. I have slept very little, and by very little, I mean VERY LITTLE. And I would find that voice in the wee hours of the night saying, "You can do this." "I will equip you for times like this." "I am here with you and will sustain you."

I believe this was the Holy Spirit. And after having one of the most beautiful periods these past months with my family and my husband, despite lack of sleep, and some pretty big challenges, I know that voice was right. And I am thankful for the knowledge that I can be pressed and shaken and find the "light" still shining in our home...and shining even brighter at times when my limit has been reached and I need some outside strength.

Sometimes I am offered help when things are challenging. My pride often gets in the way of me accepting it. But, I also know that enduring and allowing myself to be tested is good...and right...and even preferable...to taking the easy way out all the time and shipping my kids off to various locations...

They benefit from seeing my endurance process and from seeing me ask them for some help when I am struggling...and from seeing that I can and do make it through those times with joy and grace...mostly. :)

Do you allow your limits to be pushed regularly?

Bedtime Bliss?

2010-11-07T16:10:00.001-08:00

When I pictured bedtime in a large (ish) family, I pictured clean-smelling kids, matching pajamas, smiling faces and quiet prayers. I thought of reminiscing in whispered tones over the day's events, heavy eyelids gradually closing as I sang lullabies...

In reality, our house is awash in chaos at night. Maybe one in four smells good, jammies are a redneck mismatch of too short pants and long sleeved t- shirts from varying museums and national parks, faces are often contorted in pleas for salvation from the horror of bed, and prayers are mixtures of, "Be quiets" and "My turns!" Eyelids rarely close by choice and any lullabying is drowned out by crying and flip-flopping (the boys are like dogs and have to circle their sleep location before settling in for the night.)

But, it's OK. I have some plans to make it a bit more relaxing. My new seven to seven rule means everyone in bed at seven, regardless of who napped when...if you're not sleepy, grab a cuddle toy and a book and dig in. There will be no more drinks at bedtime--too many midnight sheet changes lately...

And you will not come out of your room until seven in the morning (your alarm clock will tell you.) If you come out between seven and seven, it has to be an emergency. If it is not, you will be swiftly whisked back to your bed, no discussion. Bad dream and illness exceptions will be made (but I'm not going to mention this up front I don't think.)

And honestly, this time in our lives is so fleeting, that all the chaos is kind of funny so I try to remember that despite my dashed expectations. Scott and I always end up laughing when we see Caden in his redneck tank top running down the hall, belly hanging out, or glimpse Wyatt's brown feet protruding out from the blanket after a hard day in the dirt...it's not that I want to crack down too much and end this parade of joy...it's that I'd like to be able to enjoy these little ones a bit more during the day...and the endless nights prohibit that, ya know?

Anyway, I'm still figuring out this mothering thing, but I do still like the figuring out process..and I'm honored to do it...I know I'm making some blunders and I know there are many things I could be doing better, but I'm their mom, who's doing the best I can, and I'm praying that's good enough. :)

Bedtime is NOT what I pictured it would be before I had children, but I know that when we put them down in bed at night, and kiss their contorted little faces, and brush the hair back from their sad little eyes while we pray for them, they are learning that even when they are sad, we will make them do what is best for their little bodies and souls...and I will always be there for them...even if it's a room away, safe in their daddy's arms...because they need to know that mommy loves them, but mommy will not let the whims of four children under the age of six CONTROL THE WHOLE HOUSEHOLD. Amen.

Weekly Menu Plan

2010-10-29T10:03:00.000-07:00

This is our new weekly recurring menu plan. I don't assign days because I like some spontaneity. Ha! I try to make what I can from scratch, but some things, like my chili, are from cans and spice packets because it's the yummiest EVER! What's your menu plan look like?

Tacos, refried beans, rice

Spaghetti and meatballs, homemade bread, and salad

Chicken salad in pita bread, fruit jello

Chile verde chicken over rice with salad

Hamburgers and tater tots with salad

Homemade chili and cornbread

Chili mac and grilled zucchini

Alternate: Breakfast for dinner

Cleaning Schedule at My House

2010-10-21T14:37:00.000-07:00

In an effort to reclaim my sanity, I made my cleaning schedule when I was sleep deprived and had boxes everywhere. Now that the dust has cleared a bit, I am surprised to find I quite adore my little schedule. So, here it is in case you'd like a little peak into my housewivery. (And no, spell check doesn't like this word either.)

Monday-Laundry and Kids' Room
Homeschool Subjects: Bible and Language Arts

This is the day I focus on clearing all surfaces in the kids' rooms. The girls' room has only one dresser, the crib and the bed. Anything else in there on Mondays gets put back. The boys' room has one queen bed and an armoire (thanks Stephanie!). Same goes for their room. I combine their laundry bins and go to it. I like to have a single layer of clothes left at the end of the day (that days' clothes) only going into Tuesday. This is also the day I change the kids' sheets.

Tuesday-Animals, Gardens, Porches, Pool and Deck
Homeschool Subject: Science

This is the day I haven't quite mastered. The outside really is more efficiently cleaned/maintained by the blower/riding lawn mower/tractor/sprinkler system, none of which I can operate. Sometimes on this day, I go outside, look around, and go back inside...but, I am working on a basic maintenance and repair list so I can at least do some basic things outside that will make me feel like I can be part of the outdoors here I longed for so much!

Wednesday-Master Bedroom/Errands
Homeschool Subject-Social Science

This is Kya's school day AND Wyatt's school day. Unfortunately, one goes from 9-12 and the other goes from 11-2. So, I often feel like a chicken with my head cut off most of this day between lunches and getting everyone where they need to go and nursing in between...and arranging grandparents' offers of help without putting anyone out too much...sigh.

But, I am happy to get home and snuggle up with Kya and my FAVORITE subject of all...social science. Ahhhh, nothing do I enjoy more than discussing freedom, citizenship, and Lady Liberty with my five year old. I try to get to our room on this day and our laundry, but sadly, by the time dinner comes around, I am spent. I usually shove the piles around to make a little more room on our floor and fall into bed. My plan is to really get in there this weekend and get rid of a lot of stuff. Because it's the stuff making the mess. Bleh. Wednesdays. Bleh.

Thursday-Bathrooms
Homeschooling Subject-Math

On this day, I wash and change towels, wash the bath mats (there is so much pee pee dribble in this house), clear counters and sweep and mop the floors. I am in the process of finding a new mop. My Fly Lady one is not cutting it.

Friday-Kitchen and Living Room BIG clean
Homeschooling Subject: Language Arts

I have to start the weekend with these two rooms in order and clean. This is usually the night I choose to stay up until after midnight and I love it. I love to clean and have Hulu on into the dark, quiet hours of the night...ALL...BY...MY...SELF!!

Saturday-Family Fun Day (aka: messing up the house all day long)
No school

Sunday-Laundry Room/Get Ready for the Week Ahead
Church

This is the day I regroup in the laundry room. To be fair, this day hasn't really happened yet because there is still SO MUCH CRAP in there. But, I am hopeful. I would like to prepare the laundry room on Sunday for Laundry on Monday, but God has arranged that I just have to rest lately on Sunday for various reasons , so I am happy to obey. :)

Daily Chores (things I try to do every day):

Make beds
Feed chickens/get eggs
Clean cat box
Clean dishes off after every meal
Load and run dishwasher nightly
Sweep floor daily, mop floor every other day
Swish and Swipe toilet and counters in bathrooms
Put away clean laundry sitting in baskets in various locations all over the house! :)

So, that's how I roll. How do you structure your cleaning week?

I'm sorry sweet girl...

2010-10-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Addie:

As I placed you in your little bouncy seat tonight, after feeding you, I looked toward an evening of rocking you to sleep after listening to you fuss...because for the past three months, you fussed. While I did dishes, you fussed. While I tried to homeschool, you fussed. While I tried to sew, you fussed.

You cried, I cried. You screamed, I got frustrated.

And then, after eliminating my multi-vitamin supplements last week, in a last ditch effort to keep breastfeeding, you became peaceful. You no longer cried with every burp, or writhed in pain. You stopped moving every minute of the day and finally...relaxed...

Tonight, when I placed you in your seat, you just turned your sweet head to the side, folded your hands peacefully, and went to sleep.

If I had known that what I was taking was hurting you, I would have stopped earlier sweet girl.

As I watched your peace tonight, the weight of your painful digestion these past few months really hurt my heart.

I was angry at you.

I thought you were just a "fussy baby."

Thoughts crossed my mind that you were really throwing off my schedule and life. I wished occasionally...

...that we had reconsidered...

But tonight, as I watched your sweet baby face, fall into a peaceful slumber, I realized, you were just in pain. And I am so sorry...sorry for ever regretting...

...sorry because all you needed was your mommy's comfort...

...not her frustration...

I cherish you, and I am so glad we found the answer to your pain, and that you can sleep peacefully.

I cried tonight with thankfulness for your sweetness and with sorrow for my selfishness.

You are like a new baby...

...a sweet, happy, smiley, baby.

I know now she was in there all along...but, I regret...

I feel so sad...

...that I didn't know what to do to help you stop suffering earlier...

I love you more than words.

-Mom

Kitchen Happenings

2010-10-02T18:13:00.000-07:00

Here is a view from our new front window to our new front porch: The red kitchen of happiness:

Gingerbread men made by small children:

Gingerbread men making group (minus Addie and Hudson-not pictured but present.)

Caden eyeing the dough boys

This kitchen beckons me to make and bake, create and love, mop and sweep and mop some more. It is a dream of a kitchen and I will forever be thankful for every nook and cranny therein.

Estrogen, Heart Palpitations, Caffeine, Anxiety and Exhaustion

2010-10-02T16:48:00.000-07:00

But first, some photos from the last few weeks... Kya studies the flag...

Our living room...

Fall rain brings out the crazy in the kids...

Cross-eyed chubby cheeked Addie Grace... :)

Kya likes to take pictures of us...

The title says it all when it comes to my physiology and psychology the past three months since giving birth.

1. Estrogen-NONE. After I had Addie, I am convinced that all things estrogen-related died in me. This included, in my opinion, the addition of heart palpitations and a strange out of body, not attached to anything kind of feeling. The cardiologist did not think my heart issues had anything to do with estrogen or birth...but HELLO, they started immediately after giving birth and everything I've read about menopausal women and low estrogen says it can manifest as heart palpitations. (No, I am not menopausal YET, you jokesters.)

...

2. Heart palpitations feel like a strange awareness that the rhythm of your heart, heretofore unnoticed and pleasantly so, is off...the dub of the lub-dub is dubbing all wrong--and sometimes it dubs at the same time as the lub, making a strong BEAT that makes you want to sit down fast. I was pretty sure in the middle of these episodes I was going to die...leaving four kids and a husband to live a life of certain doom...it feels like a lump in your throat and a little bit of a sick feeling...maybe because it causes anxiety...which causes more palpitations. For me, it's a vicious cycle. Oh, and for me, the caffeine deprivation DID NOT HELP!!! It made me palpitate all the more. Strangely, this would happen MOST when I was sitting or lying down.

...

3. Caffeine...never in my wildest dreams did I think the doctor would tell me to stop drinking caffeine. When those words met my ears, it was as though the strength drained from my body...no caffeine? This cannot be serious. Do you M.D. people understand that having four children and moving into a new home, and having a colicky newborn REQUIRES caffeine?

I thought I had it all together until that moment...

WHAT AN ADDICT!

...

4. Anxiety: I always have heightened anxiety after giving birth. For about three months, it causes me to periodically sleep on the floor between the kids' rooms and my own, so certain am I that a serial killer or kidnapper will come in the night and harm the kids.

It makes me want to lock and deadbolt and chain and alarm every opening in our house.

It causes me to check my baby's breathing...over and over and over again.

It makes me look at my husband in disbelief when he suggests a weekend away.

It heightens all rational fears and worries until sometimes they are unbearably irrational.

It causes me to be certain the latest episode of CSI is going to manifest in my living room.

Sometimes, I think my own special issues should be called postpartem preparedness--because I spend all my time preparing for the worst possible scenario and then preparing again...who has three first aid kits in their minivan just in case? ME. Because I know someone is going to have a puncture wound in the eye as soon as we get to the PARK!

Oh the park...don't even get me started...

I am thankful to know that my God is bigger than all that and His plan is for us to prosper. If I didn't have that on which to hang my anxiety-ridden hat, I would be paralyzed.

When my babies are three months old, like clockwork, the anxiety lifts and the first aid kits and Rambo-proofed door locks are abandoned. Phew!

5. Exhaustion: Where are you? It is a miracle to me that I have stayed up until midnight or 1:00 AM every night, awakening typically at 4:00 AM, every night since we moved, and I am still functioning...not high-level functioning mind you...but, I am doing OK. The few weeks without caffeine were tough. But, I now have a little daily caffeine and it is getting me by nicely.

We get dressed and do our hair every day (I say "we" because I am the sole person responsible for five peoples' hair in this house--it's a BIG responsibility--have you seen Addie's hair?).

We venture out regularly. I put makeup on and I am finding my husband to be very wonderfully HOT again (a sign the estrogen has returned! Hooray!)

The house is looking pretty darn good (because I stay up at night and undo what has been done to it during the day.)

The heart palpitations have lessened significantly.

Addie is three months old, but the past three months are absent to some extent. I'm not sure where they went. The fog is really lifting now and I feel sad that I missed her babyhood.

I feel sad that the last baby we'll have was lost in the middle of moving and fogginess. I feel regret that I have not been able to fully experience the sights and smells of newborn mommyhood...but I'm ready to tackle it again.

I'm ready to breathe in and out the happenings of my family, our farm, our friends, and our life.

Look out everyone! I'm back! Just a little less caffeinated.

Homeschooling Kya

2010-09-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest, I was scared.

What if I mess her up?

What if she doesn't receive teaching well from her mom?

What if she doesn't like being at home all the time?

So far, the fears were for nothing. And watching her learn to read, learn math skills, find her way through a science lesson or explore the nuances of citizenship in social science...wow, there's just nothing quite like seeing your child's educational and spiritual growth firsthand.

I am so thankful every day that God continues to equip me for this task.

My New Laundry Line

2010-09-16T22:00:00.000-07:00

Pretty, huh?

Boys

2010-09-16T21:54:00.001-07:00

So I have decided there is some sort of strange compulsion wired into small boys that disallows them to process anything prohibiting climbing or jumping off of stuff. It is as though there is a small masculine voice inside willing the destruction of all household furnishings. It could be an olympic event around here DESPITE repeated disciplinary efforts to the contrary. So this day, I just gave in and took pictures.

Grandma on a Tractor

2010-09-12T15:24:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd see my mom on a John Deere. A very sophisticated, never the leave the house without her makeup, always has her toes done kind of lady, my mom hopped right on at the opportunity, much to my husband's and my surprise...tractors are just crazy fun. No one can resist.

Real Life

2010-09-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

I had to take this picture quickly (myself) before I ruined my makeup by crying, washing off spit up, getting dusty and dirty outside, or sweating. And I had to show off my hair because I actually got my hair done yesterday for the first time in over a year...maybe two!

Ok, I'm a teensy bit tired of folks believing that our life is 100% perfect all the time. And I really don't want anyone to have the misconception that this life is easy or that I do it well.

Having four small children is hard. Waaaaaaay harder than law school or the Bar exam. There was no prep course, no manual, not even an outline to follow. I wing it! And I fail a lot.

Having a beautiful big house to clean up every day is hard. Having 2 1/2 acres and sprinklers for miles and a pool with a deck and two porches, well, it is a lot of work. And I don't always do it! And I've come to realize that's OK.

I love it all, but I am often sleepy, or irritable and I often cut corners on everything from dressing my children (boys don't need shirts, right?) to cleaning the kitchen (no one can really see UNDER the table, can they?).

I spend the day with the children...Addie cries unless she is held, sleeps minimally during the day and spits up like it is her job.

I stay up most nights until at least 11, sometimes one or two, cleaning and organizing for the next day. I "get up" some time between 4:30 and 5:30 AM, depending on when Addie nurses last and then I hit the shower. There are often other kiddos needing me between the time I "go to" bed and when I "get up" for the day as any mom of young kids knows. So I sleep 3-5 hours a night.

Sometimes there is one child in the bathroom with me when I shower, sometimes all four. My showers are SHORT.

I still smell bad most of the time.

I read the Bible every morning...sometimes three words, sometimes three pages...it is my lifeline.

The laundry has not been done in weeks except when my in-laws took pity on me and did five loads. Our dryer works sporadically, so I do laundry less and less because I find myself wanting to kick it a lot and who needs to fill their days with that kind of hatred?

There is a promise floating around here that a Lowe's delivery man may bring me a sparkly new dryer today though and I am hopeful!

Wyatt runs around with his pants backwards, his underwear sticking out of the top, his shoes on the wrong feet and did I say no shirt? Well, most of the time, no shirt (refer to aforementioned laundry shortage.) He has a goofy smile all the time and really likes to poke and hit things with big sticks...and there are a LOT of big sticks here.

Kya looks beautiful all the time and is a great little gal with LOTS of clothes (so the laundry shortage doesn't affect her much.) But sometimes, she goes days without a bath or any semblance of conditioner in her hair and it gets pretty ratty. She bites her nails, so at least I don't have to worry about cutting her nails. Bonus! :) I forget to give her Singulair sometimes and she coughs and says her throat hurts, which reminds me to give it to her again...that makes me feel really bad.

Kya also sleeps anywhere and everywhere. She's flexible when Caden falls asleep horizontally on her bed because the parents haven't enforced bedtime in over a month...she just moves to the couch. She does all her school work for the week in a day and spends the rest of the week helping out around here and playing make believe. She has a great imagination--in her dollhouse world, there is much less chaos.

Kya reminds me that eating five brownies will make my tummy hurt. I am thankful for that.

I cannot even see the bottom of my closet.

We eat a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

The baby is crying again so I gotta run, but I really just wanted to share a slice of life for those of you who keep sending me messages exalting me as some sort of mothering messiah. It is not so. But, I am happy in this chaos, and I know that I know, that God is with me every crazy step of the way, so that's worth a lot.

And being happy really is a choice (as my friend Callie recently reminded me) and that is 90% of the daily battle won if you can keep a smile on your face!

Chicken Coop, Ridiculously Big Bathroom...and Other New House Stuff

2010-09-11T02:00:00.001-07:00

This is the new chicken coop. I think it cost Scott like $20 after all was said and done. The fencing was free from our neighbor, the wood was scrap Scott got from a contsruction site.

One of the rooms of our new house that makes me smile EVERY time I go in is this bathroom. It is immense. We could put a bed in there and call it good. The bath tub fits our whole family. Scary thought, I know...

Here's a picture of Caden in the bathroom that really punctuates its massiveness. I have some decorating to do, I know!

Here's me on the tractor a week or two after I had Addie (got some weight to lose mama!)

This is the view from the front porch--Miss Judith's horse corrals. I have no idea where the horses were this day. They are always right out front.

I just love it here. I'm finally home!!!

Kya's First Day

2010-09-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

Kya rode the train (a long trailer hauled by a John Deere tractor) from the school over to the Lori Brock Museum where her Art and P.E. enrichment classes took place. These are her sparkly purple flip flops.This is a close up of my sweet baby girl. It was much harder on me than her to go to school this day. She kept this sort of pensive observant attitude all day. Reserved, but content and peaceful with her surroundings. Sign me up as this kid's mom. I like her.

Off to class like a big girl!

Wyatt is quite pleased to be walking his sister to her class.

As charter school homeschoolers, we get the best of both worlds. I get to teach the kids at home one on one, but we get free curriculum, record keeping, resource teachers and enrichment classes at the school. This is Kya's first day of Kindergarten enrichment classes, which she takes one day a week at the school. With over 1000 students, the charter school is bursting at the seams, but oh my what a blessing. The teachers, the other families, the resources and the school site are just marvelous.

Happy first day baby girl!

Two Quick God Stories

2010-09-06T12:46:00.000-07:00

The last two weeks, there have been two specific moments I have stopped Scott and asked him to pray with me over silly things. One was a dresser for our room and the other was the a/c unit that went out at our rental.

First, the dresser. Scott's clothes and shoes had been all over the floor since the move because the closet in our new room is smallish. So, I said, "honey, let's pray for one." So we did. Two days later, my in-law's neighbor, Mary, gave us the most beautiful HUGE wonderful dresser imaginable!

Second, three days ago, our renters called and said the a/c unit was out. UGH! Sucky for them and us! And it was the start of the Labor Day weekend--no repairman was gonna come cheap! And our budget is stretched THIN right now with all the appliances breaking in OUR house! So, first, Scott asked our former neighbor to recommend someone that wouldn't rip us off.

Our neighbor ended up fixing it himself! FOR FREE! And it just happened he had thrown the exact part we needed into his rental truck that weekend. That's awesome!

I was excited...and felt so blessed.

BUT THEN

Yesterday they called again--it wasn't working again.

Booooooooo.

So we prayed, "Lord, you worked this out so beautifully that we could live in this house and afford things, we know you will work this a/c issue out somehow too."

Today, they called and it turned out that their little girls had been pretend "repairing" the a/c unit like they had seen Chris the repairman doing and turned off the breaker. It's back on and working.

I could never have imagined how God would grace us out in these little areas. But he did. And He knows that impresses me.

Thanks for caring enough to show yourself to me God...over and over.

Tackling Our Giants and Other Stuff Too

2010-09-05T22:02:00.001-07:00

Six weeks ago, Addie Grace, our fourth baby in five years, turned two weeks old. She gave me a run for my money in every sense. She cried and screamed and cried...but I didn't really mind because I was soooo excited about our new home, our new life, and our new baby girl.

I slept a few hours here and there, usually with Addie nestled in my arms. I did not feel exhausted, but I knew when I would forget simple things or go back into a room for the fourth time wondering what I was looking for, that the tiredness was catching up to me.

The other kids adjusted well. They were excited about the move and having a swimming pool of their very own.

We moved with the help of so many loyal friends, I cannot even begin to recount them all here. Thank you to all you loyal souls, and I apologize that I was absolutely no help whatsoever. I would show up at the old house, baby in the Bjorn, other three kids in tow, and end up nursing the whole time, trying to keep Caden from unpacking the boxes our sweet friends were packing up, and praying that Kya and Wyatt were not being stolen out of the front yard. I felt helpless and deeply grateful...

The move wasn't pretty or organized. There was a bunch of crap thrown in boxes and stacked in front of our house, in our rooms, under the carport...bathroom stuff in the kitchen, kitchen stuff in the kids' rooms, everything else in the whole wide world in the driveway. It was enough to cause any sane person an anxiety attack.

But, I'm not sane, and I was too tired to recognize the magnitude of what i had to tackle.

The day after we got the last of our boxes moved, we went shopping for camp. I cooked for (with A LOT of help from one Dee Williams!!) and Scott directed camp for a week. After camp was over each day, I would come home, get the kids put to bed, strap Addie in the Baby Bjorn and unpack until 1 or 2 in the morning.

I would nurse Addie throughout the night, get up at 5 and haul the kids back to camp for the next day, and so it went for the week.

When the week was over, Scott and I were mere shells of our former selves. We would meet up at midnight in the pool and silently hold each other, grasping for some hope amidst the insanity of our sleeplessness, trying to cool off so we didn't have to run the a/c all night.

We had a week until school would start, and a few days at the beach for the previously arranged beach trip with the Haner family. It was a wonderful break and we loved being with the family in the cool ocean air, but the piles of boxes and work to be done lingered in the back of our minds...and the chickens were still without a coop. This fact was punctuated when we returned that Wednesday around midnight to find racoons munching on one of our hens under the Eucalyptus tree. Brutal greeting.

Addie was finally beginning to turn a corner with some formula supplementation finally satisfying her growing appetite.

We returned and worked our hardest to get things under control before Scott had to go back to teaching, but alas, it was not to be completed in time.

But, here we are, six weeks later, with less than fifteen boxes remaining, a house filled with happiness and peace, a baby who sleeps for at least a few hours at night and cries less than she used to...and a successful first two weeks of homeschooling Kya.

So, I thought I'd share a few pictures that sort of illustrate two things...1) What in the world would we do without our friends the Hortons??? Ben and Angie, you have been our rocks! and 2) Sometimes gigantic tasks just need to be addressed with a giant freakin' chainsaw.

Number two is both literal and metaphorical. I believe that the chainsaw I have used to tackle these past six weeks has been prayer, and lots of it! You have to get kind of hard core when things get that bleak and exhausting. God showed up time and time again and He just totally wowed me over and over. Kind of like Ben and the chainsaw against this monster of a bush...
Here, Ben and my hubby demonstrate how happy power tools can make you when you have a large project at hand.

Here, the Horton and Haner kids combine (minus Addie) to eat a meal and celebrate friendship...and pizza! Isn't it funny how moms are never in pictures? Because we are busy getting the meal on the table, getting drinks and taking pictures!

The chainsaw suffered a sad death today, only to be resurrected by the power of Ben's touch!

It's a doozy! But we HAD to cut it down because it was housing all manner of rodents, critters and creatures. Bleck. This is Ben rethinking his endeavors.

This is Ben wishing he had come over to swim instead of "help."

This is Addie (being held by Pat Cowles, our dear friend who also helped us a TON with our move and preparation for moving.) I thought I would insert this picture because HELLO, Addie is so fat! You see, I have found that she stops crying for long periods of time when she is well fed. She really just likes to eat--all day.

And finally, Kya started taking piano lessons (from me) in our new home and is doing great. I have dreamed for years of teaching my kids piano and it is going better than I ever dreamed. What fun to have the opportunity to share skills with such a wonderfully excited and gifted student!

More to come on caffeine withdrawal, heart palpitations, homneschooling, the laundry fiasco, raccoons, lizards, and gophers, oh my!, and life in general here on the Haner farm...As for this home, we will serve the Lord, who has so richly blessed us. :)

Who Knew?

2010-09-05T13:28:00.001-07:00

Who knew moving with four kids including the super fussiest newborn on earth could be so exhausting? But, man oh man, do I love this man and this little fussy mop of hair. (His shirt reads, "I need my garage time." Too bad he couldn't even make it into the garage for three weeks because of all the STUFF in the driveway! Seriously, it was sad and scary for a while around here.) But, we have been blessed with unexplained energy beyond measure (despite my lack of caffeine--oh my caffeine withdrawal post will be sad and long, but with a happy ending) and the home of our dreams.

The Dream Realized

2010-09-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

Well, this will be a short post with many more to come, with the amazing story of our arrival here. Suffice it to say, we are finally home...

Fourth Time's the Charm

2010-07-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

I have never had a fussy baby. I could always soothe, nurse, pacify, what have you, all of my babies. I thought it was because I was a good mother.

Enter Addie...

If I am not nursing her, or holding her, she is screaming...like a banshee...a life-altering, someone is murdering me, please call 911, kind of screaming.

And I am baffled.

I know she is not sick or terribly hurt, because when I hold her or nurse her, she calms down and is quiet.

But there is no chair, swing, swaddle, that can calm her once she gets to screamin'.

Last night, I finally got her to sleep in the crook of my arm at 3am, and suddenly I heard an annoying beeping. In my stupor, I thought surely it was Scott's alarm and I was SO ANNOYED...but no, it was mine. One of the boys was playing with it yesterday and must have set it accidentally...I could have DIED. Sure enough, within moments, Addie was awake and crying.

Strangely, I feel mostly calm through all this. I haven't lost my patience with her or the kids (just Scott, but to be fair, he has deserved it a little--his obsession with the tractor has gotten a bit ridiculous) and I feel like God is really listening when I pray.

My prayers are not for her to stop crying interestingly, but I feel I have been led to pray that God would show me what he is trying to teach me, that he would help me to keep my calm in the storm, and that he would give me the strength to be a good teacher, mother, and nurturer even when I am really really tired.

This is the time in life when my maturity is tested. Do I cry out to Scott that I can't take it anymore and melt into a puddle of tears reaching for pity at every turn? Or do I cry out to the Lord for strength to handle this blessing he has given to us and extra joy and energy beyond human understanding?

I think the choice is clear. But, sometimes, in the wee hours of the night, when I am trying to hush little Addie so as to not wake anyone else in the house, I still wonder if I am the only freakin' one awake in the whole city????!!!!!

Recent Happenings

2010-07-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

We are in the process of learning to breastfeed again, moving, and not sleeping. Consequently, no recent updates have been posted and of course, I can't find my camera cord to post pictures.

So, here's a brief picture-less synopsis of random happenings the past two weeks:

1. Addie cried through her entire JC Penney picture sitting. Apparently, they allow ten minutes...period...for each session. Addie spends about ten minutes a day NOT crying and she did not choose 1:20 on Friday for her ten minute non-crying jag. So, I suppose it was a good capturing of reality. Oh, and did I tell you I win the mom of the year award for offering my infant a sucker to try to get her to stop crying? Yeah, call CPS. I just wanted ONE GOOD PICTURE!!!

2. We are moving out of the house, but it's no fun, so we spend a lot of time planning the new house decor, gardens, etc. It's now time to get down to business. One room a day for the next week. No excuses--even though I sleep maybe 2 hours per 24 lately caring for very cranky Addie.

3. We went to the lake with the Steele family and had a blast even though it was 240 degrees (that's Fahrenheit.)

4. My husband is incredible...

5. I made a great all natural lemon bar recipe this week. SO good.

6. I inherited a Bosch mixer and I cried when sweet lovely Rhonda offered it to me. What could I have possible done Lord to deserve such a gift??? Tell me so I can do it some more! :)

7. I don't really like flabby-after-baby-belly, but I have lost twenty five pounds since giving birth and only have about twenty more to be back to pre-baby weight! Hurray!

8. I am thankful for friends who come through in a pinch; I am blessed with lots of folks in my life who I can ALWAYS count on. That's rare. And I'm quite sure I am not nearly so reliable.

9. I know that I know that I know God provided this house we are moving to and the renters who are moving into our house. The blessings of both lined up more perfectly than humanly understandable. I will have to blog it all one day.

10. Cold ice water in a mason jar. Is there anything better on a hot summer day?

11. We have a tractor--an old (I mean like antique old) Massey Ferguson that smokes so much when it's running I am requiring Scott to wear a mask when he's running it (which he would do all day every day if he could, and which he looks SOOOOOOO cute doing.)

12. We may be inheriting a puppy...a beautiful Aussie just like our old beloved Maggie (may she rest in peace.) What's that? I'm crazy to bring a puppy into the mix with the new house and new baby? Nah. Crazy would be to live a boring adventure-less (not a word according to my spell checker) life! :)

Blessings! XOXO

Embarrassment Breeds Motivation

2010-07-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

There's nothing like a little embarrassment to motivate me.

Two days ago, Scott took a picture of me passed out on the couch nursing Addie. I had a double chin and a muffin top. It was not pretty. So, I ordered some workout clothes and intend to hit the gym as soon as my healing body will allow. I would also like to order a figure like Kelly Ripa's please.

P.S. I feel better after giving birth to my fourth child than I did after my first! I could have danced a jig on day three! And I never took a single pain med! Second, a well-meaning individual, who shall remain nameless, was entering my home with my four year old daughter, Kya. Kya stated to said individual, "I'm so sorry our house is a wreck."

If that was not embarrassment enough, this individual replied, "That's what happens when you have too many children."

Needless to say, I am on the road to becoming an immaculate housekeeper...this week. Sometimes, a little embarrassment goes a long way toward motivation. And I'm OK with that.

The Motherhood Calling

2010-07-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

From the time I could string two words together, I remember longing to be around babies...

I couldn't wait to hold other people's babies.

I remember arguing with my mom when she told me not to be so pushy with people about holding their children. I honestly didn't understand why anybody wouldn't want me to hold their eight week old baby. Surely there could be no one else who wanted to do so more or who would take as great care with their baby as I.

I always longed to be around little children, making them smile, teaching them, feeding them, cuddling them.

And then I got sidetracked.

I got sidetracked with the expectations of other people mostly, but also with the world's promises of prestige, of money, of lofty educational goals (not that education is ever a bad thing, but for me, it was about the wrong things at times), of being somebody more than just a mere mother.

Voices of close loved ones whispered (and sometimes shouted) that someone as smart as I should not settle for just being a stay at home mom.

Voices of strangers bombard me wherever I go with my brood...

"You must be exhausted."

"You've got your hands full."

"Oh my gosh honey; I bet you'll be glad when they're all in school."

But I have stopped listening to those voices, because finally, in the quiet moments, I can hear God saying this is what He made me for. This is the passion He planted in me. This is what I live and breathe to do.

I know not everyone is called to this. Not everyone finds the moments of chaos, four children singing, shouting, playing, screaming, crying and making messes, to be pleasant. But God made me to love it and as crazy as it sounds, I do.

It is a rare person who gets to wake up everyday and do what they are passionate about. I am so thankful for the opportunity each day to realize my dream...to simply be a mom.

More Pics of Addie

2010-06-29T11:15:00.000-07:00

Kya could not wait to hold her sister and she is SO good with her. What a blessing to have a child that can help this time! And one who really likes to help! Kya and Wyatt can't wait to do anything they can to help with their baby sister. And I sure appreciate it.

Talk about a difference in coloring. I know that all my kids kind of have this look when they are born, but in this picture it doesn't even seem possible these two princesses are related:

What am I gonna do with that hair??????

This picture was taken right after she was born and I can almost breathe the moment when I see the picture. There's nothing like that magic moment when you first hold your child.

Skin to skin time. :)

She's Here!

2010-06-29T02:33:00.000-07:00

Addelyn Grace Haner was born Sunday, June 27, 2010, at 8:02 AM. She weighed 8 lbs, 12 oz., the second smallest of the Haner babies--a nice relief for mom. Everyone is happy and healthy. More to report after we get our routine established.

Thoughts for a Father's Day

2010-06-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

My dad stayed home with me when I was little...and he liked it. I always knew my dad enjoyed being a father.

He cuddled me when I had bad dreams in the night and never made me feel bad that I was interrupting his sleep. He would hold my hand while we slept because I was convinced if I was anchored to his big strong form, no monster could pry me loose.

He set his watch faithfully to come in to check on me at night..every ten minutes until I was sound asleep. He spent many nights in the emergency room with me when I had horrible ear infections and fevers as a child.
He taught me to be a competitor, to work hard, to stay the course. He knew the right thing to do and did it...even when it wasn't convenient or particularly pleasant.

He took me on piggy back rides every night of my childhood, from our living room couch to my bed, where he would read story upon story to me, never seeming to be bothered by the fact that I was getting bigger and more difficult to carry, never faltering in his commitment to reading for sometimes an hour or more in the evening...I'm sure he could have been doing a million other things.

He never missed work, he never complained about his lot in life, he always fulfilled his promises.

He sat with me every night with a stopwatch to make sure I brushed my teeth for the recommended time.

He stuck with my mom when she went through some very difficult times.

He stuck with me when I was a big fat teenage idiot.

He stayed up late to make sure I was home safely.

He attended every swim meet, dance recital and play.

He celebrated every victory and cried with me at every defeat.

My dad was the epitome of a committed, loving, loyal, ethical, dad.

And I love him.

As he is getting the hang of retirement, his health is not good. His legs don't work like they ought to. His energy is not what he would like. He has pain virtually everywhere, every day. And yet, when he plays with his grand babies, you would never know.

His doctors say he shouldn't even be able to walk, but he does and he smiles through the pain, razzing Kya, snuggling Wyatt, chasing down Caden...patiently awaiting his newest grandchild.

When Kya was born, he had just been through a horribly botched eye surgery, one for which he was never willing to sue. He was in excruciating pain, caused by pressure that built up so high it damaged and destroyed precious eye tissue and eventually his cornea...but, he showed up at the hospital, nearly doubled over in pain, because that's the kind of man he is. He wanted his daughter and granddaughter to know that nothing would keep him from us...nothing.

And that's why I love him.

He is predictable beyond measure, confident to a point of humble arrogance because doing the right thing your whole life makes a man that way.

He is my dad. And for that, I am most thankful. I love you Papa Mac!

The Ice Has Melted!

2010-06-19T19:32:00.000-07:00

Today, around noon, the ice melted in our house, I love yous were exchanged, there were long hugs, and I am sooooo thankful. I was exhausted being so angry and bitter at my best friend.

We discussed our foundational values for the family and the fact that we want the kids to have fun, but also learn a few things this summer.

We planned activities, established rules, and had a blast together! See, a little communication is all it takes! (And a 44 oz. soda from Circle K. That always lifts the mood around here. Don't judge me; I just hope the baby doesn't grow a third arm.)

And to be honest, at 8:00 this morning, after the fifth wordless pass in the hallway, I truly wondered if my husband and I would ever speak again. So, it's nice it turned out this way...for the kids' sake....and the dog, and cats...and chickens. Man, we have a lot to take care of around here! I need a good partner who's not annoyed with me all day long...although I wouldn't blame him one bit...

I would be annoyed by me and my pregnant, whiny, tired, sweaty...that's enough, isn't it?

As an aside, many people have wondered why we are choosing to lease the home to which we are moving and rent out the home we have currently. The bottom line is that this is the only way for us to live our dream and still maintain our integrity to our current lender on our home.

We just weren't willing to be part of the short sale trend. So, until the market turns, and our home is worth what we owe on it, this is the way we can keep our credit good and still have more room to roam! Win win!

The Summer Transition Period

2010-06-18T23:46:00.000-07:00

Scott and I never fight. I'm not bragging; it's just the truth. I defer to him on most things because he is smart, rational, calm, and deliberate in his decision making. I, on the other hand, while intelligent, am more passionate, irrational, creative, and rash in my decision-making. So, you see, it is not difficult for me to lovingly accept Scott's decisions as...well...better...

Until summer comes...

For the past nine months, I have made the daily decisions about the kids' routines, rules for daily activities (and interactions), TV usage, trampoline usage, apparel choices, hairdos, water play, mess making, mess cleaning, etc. Daddy comes home in the evenings, leads in prayer and dinner activity, assists with bedtime, and that's about it.

And then comes summer...when my glorious knight in shining armor (a teacher) gets to come home and rescue me from the single parenting life I heretofore have led.

Daddy is home...with us...all day long! Hurray...errrr...maybe not?

Because, you see, I am used to calling the shots during the day. And as well-intentioned as he is, anything he does is going to step all over that. And the poor guy can't catch a break. Just about everything I said to the kids today, he had said or subsequently said something opposite. And the kids started to catch on. And I became annoyed.

Mommy: "No, you can't go on the trampoline right now because I can't come out to supervise until I finish my indoor chores. Please go play with blocks."

Daddy (without consulting mommy): "Oh, sure, go play on the trampoline and invite over some overly energetic aggressive friends to join you in there to ensure imminent injury. Oh, and I'm not going to supervise you while you're out there."

(I'm not quoting here, just relaying what must have occurred. Because within minutes of my simple edict, my normally obedient to me children, were on the tramp and there was crying and blood and "trampoline stress." Yes, I coined a term for it because the trampoline is such an anxiety producing activity to me.)

This is a small example of the stepping on each others' parental toes that is occurring during this summer transition period.

The day ended without good nights and with some silent passes in the halls.

It will get better. It always does. But, the summer transition is the pits.

I hope the baby waits until her parents are speaking to each other again to make her appearance.

Life

2010-06-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

There is a lot of life around here--tumbling baby in my belly, teaming bugs in the garden, cats, dogs, and chickens (cats are having hairballs lately--does anyone else think this is THE GROSSEST THING EVER!!?), kids with high hopes for summer fun, husband with new excitement and passion as he shops for a tractor!

Life is good. And busy.

So why do I want to curl up and take a long nap all the time instead of being my normal productivity-oriented self? I haven't even gotten around to refinishing my kitchen table and I LOVE to do stuff like that.

I can't seem to get that ol' nesting instinct going right now either, which is weird for me...

I am actually really looking forward to that hospital stay, when someone else will cook and clean for a short while, and I will sleep deeply in between feedings...ah, best laid plans. Perhaps God is encouraging me to sleep now because there is something very busy and taxing ahead...

A sweet, wonderful lady has come into our lives the past few days to help with the kids and moving. She has made this time in our lives even happier and more wonderful and I just know she is an angel sent by the Lord to help make this all possible.

I know because I was just praying before she called, "Lord, I know you have opened the doors in this whole moving scenario and although I can't see the way a nine month pregnant gal can move an entire family and household, I know you will provide a way so I am refusing to stress out about it."

And then Shelly Ernst called, out of the blue, and said she would love to come by for a few hours to help us. She has been here twice and both times, it was an incredible blessing from God. We know she was sent as a special messenger of service and although it is hard for me to ask for or receive help, it has been such a relief for us to have her humble, hard-working spirit around.

Sometimes, you just can't argue with the fact that something is from God, especially when he provides miraculous ways for things to happpen you never thought were truly possible.

OK Lord, back to sleep I go...

To Overnight or Not To Overnight

2010-06-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

Image from here.
Sometimes my hubby and I just have to get away to discuss anything important that takes more than 15 minutes. Our kids, bless their little hearts, see two parents, semi-sedentary, and can't control their little mouths.

Scott: So, I've been thinking...

Wyatt: Daddy, daddy, excuse me!!!

Scott: Yes?

Wyatt: I've been thinking, thinking, I've been thinking...that we should go...go to...go to..the swing park tomorrow. (Wyatt stutters.)

Scott: OK, Wyatt, tomorrow, we can go. (returning focus to me) I've been thinking about the moving process and renovating the house...

Kya: Mommy, excuse me, I'm soooo thirsty...

And so it goes.

So, we are at a hotel tonight, working on leases and getting things in order for our big move!! Eek, I'm so excited.

Rewind several hours...

Me: I hate going on overnights! There is so much to do--meals, cleaning, preparation, packing, lists, AGH! I NEVER WANT TO DO THIS AGAIN (tears rolling down my face, words barely discernible)!!!

Scott: Ok honey, just tell me how I can help.

Me: YOU CAN'T!!! (Blubber blubber, pity party ensues, children cower in the corner. Incidentally, "You can't!" means: "You should already know and why can't you just read my mind and get everything prepared for me????!!!!! I'm nine months pregnant for goodness sake!")

But, now we are happily in our very comfy Four Points Sheraton room watching stupid TV and blogging and talking about our future and the baby (while I have periodic contractions--Braxton Hicks totally hurt by the way; LIARS ALL YOU WHO SAY THEY ARE PAINLESS!!!)

And it is all good.

Why do I do this EVERY time???

Is it worth it? Once we're here, yes. I still hate the preparation, the worry, the having someone in my home looking at the fur balls, dust, laundry, lack of perfect organization...

But there is nothing like reconnecting with your spouse, and with three kids (soon to be four) under the age of five, parading around our home, it is the ONLY way we will stay connected, in love, passionate, and civil with one another. And that's really really important to me.

Do you date night? Overnight? Do you stress the preparation for it like I do?

My Mom's Pretty

2010-06-10T21:46:00.000-07:00

That's my mom and my Grandpa Trev on the left. My mom's a hottie.

A Nice Country Laundry Room

2010-06-10T12:41:00.001-07:00

What am I looking forward to most about our new house in the country?

Well, actually living there in general and honoring God's blessing in providing for our dream, for one. Second, honoring the gracious folks who listened to God's promptings and gave us the chance to live there by taking immaculate care of the house and grounds.

But, on a much more shallow note, I am REALLY looking forward to having a real laundry/mud room, with cabinets and a little area for muddy boots and a pantry...Oh, and room to line up baskets with everyone's names on them...Oh my gosh it is making me have goosebumps all over just thinking about it. I'm sick like that.

See, my current laundry room is just a washer, dryer and about two feet of walk-through space. Things pile up on the washer because it is the last stop before the garage/recycle/trash/compost/chickens, etc. Its very existence makes me want to close the door and avoid it at all costs--which is not good for my family's clean clothing needs.

I am a country cottage decorating kind of gal. It is easy for me to do on a budget, and generally fills our home with light and bright colors and furnishings that actually look even better with a little wear and tear (and my kiddos certainly know how to add that "gently used" look to just about everything!)

My hubby told me (when I asked him and subsequently MADE him answer the question of what kind of decor suited him best) right after we got married that he loved the country feel of many of the B & B's we stayed in in Texas (on our honeymoon.) I think really, he would like the redneck couch and old tires on the front lawn look even more, but that's not happenin' on my watch.

Absent the fat cat, this photo is just about right for our new laundry room decor I reckon. But, what do we think those letters on the bottles stand for?

As a final note, I just read a neat article about taking care of the things we have instead of buying new all the time...eek, no more Target runs when I'm out of clean undies??? Just kidding...I haven't been that wasteful since college.

But seriously, taking care of the clothing with which we've been blessed is part of my homemaking duties, so I'm going to try to complain about it less and enjoy it more!

First step, create me a beautiful laundry room! If you have any ideas for added organization, decor or laundry happiness, please pass them along!

Strawberries and Eggs

2010-06-09T12:11:00.000-07:00

The two things I love most in our outdoor life right now are my strawberry patch and the chickens. One is productive, one is not.

STRAWBERRIES-NON PRODUCTIVE:

OK, I planted my strawberry patch over six months ago. I have diligently fertilized, watered, weeded and loved the patch. I have nice plants that look fine. But I have had exactly TWO very small strawberries grow from the eight plants I have out there. I'm over it! I could have bought seventeen flats of pesticide-laden grocery store strawberries by now for the amount of water, fertilizer, soil, and time I have spent out there.

EGGS-PRODUCTIVE:

I love our chickens. No really, I do. It's ridiculous how much joy I get from their antics and weirdness. Chickens are so weird, but so interesting. And I love that we have a dozen eggs a day to eat or share or whatever. I also love that my husband goes out there and "tends the chickens" in the mornings. It's just so countrified and cute.

Whenever I take out the recycling or trash, or wander out to the compost pile to dispose of all our non-trash items, I say a hearty "Hi girls!" to the chickens, and I swear they cackle a happy response.

The knowledge that no matter how broke I make us by the end of the month, we have a protein rich source of nutrients right outside the door makes me smile. Oh and when I buy box cakes, never a worry about whether we have an egg or two to throw in there!

Box cake...a whole separate post...have you read that ingredient list? Oh my gosh, WHY do we allow things like that in our bodies? So not good for us. But, really yummy.

Laziness

2010-06-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

Yuhp, that's the problem. I have been trying to blame it on lots of things, but the problem is laziness. I need to get up at 5am every morning, do my morning routine, get my ducks in a row BEFORE the children awaken, and I need to go to the gym every day. Have you heard me say these things before? Yes, it's because I have. Will I ever learn?

Not to mention the seeming addiction I have to this silly computer. Friends, bloggers, FB peeps, Craig's List bargain friends, I have to say goodbye for a time to focus on those...uh, who are they again? Oh, my children!!! And cleaning my house...and tackling mountains of laundry...and packing! Oh, did I say packing? Stay tuned for more on the new digs!

As an aside, my three year old says his favorite thing to do now is "play on the computer." We are detoxing him now before he ends up in rehab.

This image came from somewhere in Google land I can't remember.

Feed Jake...

2010-06-05T22:34:00.000-07:00

Have you heard that cheesy country song about that dog named Jake? ...If I die before I wake, feed Jake...

...something like that...

Well, it was in my head all day today because when I took the kids outside to play this morning, Jake was just returning from his morning walk (our dog walks himself--it's the coolest thing ever--he runs down the street around the corner into the field, explores and trots around for a good ten minutes or so, poops out there, and then comes home.)

Today, his walk apparently included a detour to a neighbor's breakfast picnic because he came trotting up the sidewalk with the BIGGEST onion bagel I have ever seen.

If it didn't have dog slobber on it, I would have snagged a piece because it looked GOOD. (Incidentally, the slobber didn't stop Caden, who grabbed a chunk off of it from the jaws of the snarling protective beast...Jake never growls, but this must have been a really good bagel, because he did!)

If you're out there oh victim of our dog's pilfering, please let us know so we can replace your bagel!

Thanks for the chuckle Jake. We love you.

The Name Game

2010-06-04T20:52:00.000-07:00

So today, my mother offered my husband $100 to abandon his heretofore favorite name for the baby. Many of you already know the name to which my husband has clung for the past three months, and I dare not repeat it here in writing because it is that...well...unusual.

I told him if it meant that much to him, I would submit and just call her a nickname. I can tell you the nickname was "Addie." And trust me, you cannot even imagine the name unless you are familiar with prisons, riots, massacres...oh gosh, have I given it away?

My husband is a teacher, so he has affiliations with every name under the sun, thereby making the name picking process excruciatingly difficult. So, I have resigned myself to his picking the names of our children. He has always come up with something great, so this was not a difficult resignation on my part.

OK, so today, we finally both agreed to a DIFFERENT name (I think the $100 motivation he may have taken a bit too seriously.) I looked up the name to which we agreed and it is German, with the meaning "Noble kind woman." We are half German, and certainly we hope for our children to be both noble and kind, so this is promising!

Curious yet?

Well, I can't tell ya, because I just can't risk the possibility that someone will post something other than a supportive comment after all this rigmarole (I don't think I have ever seen that word in print...any ideas how to spell it? Is it really a word?)

We are actually registered at the hospital now (thanks Stephanie for the fabulous babysitting!) and ready to go. I actually packed a bag tonight...it's funny how I pack less the more children we have.

I figure if I'm paying a fortune to stay at the hospital, I am going to use all of their stuff--toothpaste, toothbrush, soap, diapers, wipes, pacifiers...you get my drift. Not much left to pack except a little makeup and some cute baby clothes!

Now that I'm all prepared, she will wait another month to come...(sigh.)

A Sane Woman...

2010-06-02T20:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I think, more than anything these days, I strive to be a sane woman.

"Sane" is defined as:

1. Of sound mind; mentally healthy: "their protector, the strongest and sanest of them all" (Pat Conroy).
2. Having or showing sound judgment; reasonable.

Well, I am reading this fabulous book (cover shown above) about raising a large family and staying sane at the same time. And it is so nice to read. It is helping me gain perspective, keep things realistic, and allow and enjoy life as it happens. That's the key, really, to staying sane: keeping it all in perspective...and appreciating the blessings you have.

Special thanks to my friend, Raquel, who loaned this great book to me.

Children are such a blessing and I was just thinking today how incredibly blessed I feel each morning to wake up and get to spend the day with some of my favorite people on earth--my kids. :) And for them, I will try to stay sane...most of the time. :)

I Heart Craig's List

2010-06-01T12:32:00.000-07:00

I have been Jonesing for a new dining table. I admit it.

I wanted a corner unit, or a bench picnic kind of set up. We switched to a multi-purpose table for a while when our four person table wouldn't cut it any more.

But it was so light that the kids could push it around and it was so sad looking. And I spend like 98% of my day in the kitchen, so a little extra joy in there couldn't hurt.

My research found some new ones for around $300, but my budget limit for the table was $150.

I searched Craig's List endlessly. Often, I would call and a table would already have been sold...

So I waited.

And we finally found this one on Craig's List! For $100!

When I called, the gentleman said his wife had literally just clicked "post" about three seconds before I called! HA HA HA!!! Finally!

It needs a little refinishing, but don't we all?!

The Mount Vernon Method and Frozen Milk

2010-05-29T15:53:00.000-07:00

I have finally settled into a solid cleaning routine, which you wouldn't know if you visited right this moment because my boys have just dumped out every block, truck and car in the middle of the living room floor--well, actually they are starting to spread to the outer periphery now--BUT ANYWAY...

For clean ups, especially when I don't know where to start, I employ the Mount Vernon Method. This is the method the housekeepers used at George Washington's abode, and you can read about it more here. (Messies Anonymous, what a funny name...)

This method basically means you start at the front door and work your way around the house periphery until it is clean. The next day, you pick up where you left off.

My use of the method means I start at one point (usually the corner of my kitchen by the pantry (I don't know why)) and work my way clockwise around the kitchen. Then I go to the living room, starting at the corner by the window, I work my way around the room clockwise until everything is picked up.

Once everything at eye height is de-cluttered and cleared, I turn my eyes downward and clean the floors in, you guessed, clockwise fashion. That way I am not bopping around from hairball to dust bunny to smeary syrup smudge to sticky Sprite spill (oh no, we don't have those anymore now that we abolished soda (yeah right!).

My method does not extend to the bedrooms because they (in theory) have their own day assigned to them, when they will be addressed in clockwise fashion as well. So, I use this method only for quick clean ups before guests are arriving or at the end of our day.

It saves my wandering mind from the overwhelmedness of thinking, "THE WHOLE ROOM IS A WRECK SO I GIVE UP!" and keeps me focused on the next little area in the clockwise sweep instead...AND I can see immediate progress because everything immediately behind me is clean and clear.

FROZEN MILK

Shopping with all my little lovelies is fine once a month, but I don't like to make extra trips (except to Murray Family Farms for produce where the kids can play after we shop) so I started freezing milk.

My husband researched and told me it would only work for fat free because the fat would separate in the whole (er) milks. Not so in my experience. So far, I have frozen every variety of milk (except raw) and I find that the fattier it is, the better it freezes (and thaws.) You do have to shake it up a bit after it thaws, to mix the fat back in, but it still tastes yummy!

The fat free milk I thawed on Monday still has a huge ice chunk in the middle and tastes mostly like water (more than usual) because the little fat that was in there thawed quickly and poured (poored?) off and now the high water content ice chunk is leaving behind mostly watery bleck.

My experience is therefore that fattier milk freezes great! So we can stock up in the chest freezer and never leave the dreaded, "we're out of milk," message for poor daddy. Well, almost never. ;)

At Other People's Houses

2010-05-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

I don't want to be one of those moms where people have to worry what they feed my kids. My kids don't spend a lot of time away from our home, but when they do, and when someone is gracious enough to help care for my sweet cherubs, I don't want them to feel nervous or anxious about the Haner kids' diet or having to make something special for them.

I want my kids to eat cupcakes and cookies at Grandma's...

And juice boxes at their rich friends' houses...(like only rich kids drink juice boxes! LOL!)

And S'mores at the Ranch.

You know what I mean?

So, if my kid comes to your house, don't worry! They don't have to have carrot sticks and Fiber One (also a form of stick.)

I wanted to make a change to their diet at home so that I DON'T worry when they are eating four cupcakes at a party--because I know it's the EXCEPTION.

I would probably be more of a purist if my kid had an adverse reaction to sugar (like freaking out and running in circles for four hours.) Or if they had allergies...that made them have runny poo or something...

But they don't. In fact, after they have a bunch of sugar, they usually complain of a tummy ache and their blood sugar crashes shortly thereafter, making them take a great nap! Bonus! :)

Just keepin' it real.

The First Day

2010-05-27T21:37:00.000-07:00

Notes from the first day of the drink chart:

1) Kids are very adaptable; Once they reached their limit on juice and milk today according to the chart, they were perfectly content with water~weirdos;

2) Adults (meaning me) are not so adaptable; I had one cup of coffee this morning and water and milk the rest of the day, BUT I broke down at two o'clock because without my Diet Pepsi to bail me out of the afternoon tired/hungries, my irrational mind went searching for a substitute and dragged my gigantic yielding pregnant body with it...

...to the cupboard...

...where I found...

...chocolate chips and peanut butter...

And then my tummy hurt the rest of the day.

Which is worse? Diet Pepsi or peanut butter and chocolate chips?

I don't know. It's a toss up. I may go back on the sauce tomorrow...

Our Drink (aka: sugar) Addiction

2010-05-26T14:19:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that my kids are addicted to beverages?

Well, it's no wonder when we have juice boxes, soda, strawberry milk, lemonade, Crystal Light...my kids are addicts--to SUGAR!

And Crystal Light is no better. Did you know they ban NutraSweet (Aspartame) in other countries because of its toxicity to the human brain and body? EEK!

So, I made a drink chart today. Each child is entitled to three servings of milk a day, one serving of juice and the rest of their beverages for the day have to be ice water. Once the serving boxes have been checked off, they are done for the day with that beverage.

I am also officially (again) not drinking soda anymore. Oh I cringe to even write it...but, it's so bad for me and the baby. I'm going to give her a chance to be Nutrasweet free for these last few weeks.

Ripe, Extra Large, and a Little Anxious

2010-05-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

This is how I feel:

I was looking at the label this morning in my favorite pregnant skirt (thank you Nancy!) and the tag said "Ripe-XL." And I thought, yes, that is exactly how I feel ripe and extra large.

In addition to these descriptive terms, I also feel like a time bomb. You know, normal women get a little heads up on their labor and delivery process. By their fourth baby, they may be looking at under ten hours from start to finish.

Not me.

Although this one could be different.

My first labor: 4 hours and 35 minutes.

My second: 2 hours and 45 minutes.

My third: 2 hours and 5 minutes.

You see the pattern here. They are getting faster. Even with the last one being 10 lbs 2 oz.

Soooooooo, then my doctor tells me last visit he doesn't think this baby is even going to be eight pounds (she obviously comes from the Scottish munchkin side of the family instead of the enormous German side.)

All these factors added together had me up for two hours last night, trying to figure out what the best plan is...because she is on the small side, I have to assume she could be even faster.

Our babysitter lives on the other side of town, but she will be here in a flash if we need her...'cause she rocks, and she's just THAT fantastic. (LOVE YOU DEB! Hope you're feeling better!)

But what if I'm here alone with the kids and Scott can't come home or I can't get hold of him?

What if...well, you know, there are like a thousand of these questions...

And then there's the due date issue...

First baby: 17 days early-water broke-8 lbs.

Second baby: 7 days early-water broke-8 lbs. 14 oz.

Third baby: on his due date-no water break until the dr. did it at the hospital-10 lbs. 2 oz.

So, this baby could be.....GASP....late...if the pattern holds. NO THANK YOU.

So, I prayed....and I am still praying...because I am a naturally anxious person, who wants everything planned and lots of psychological preparation...

And God said to me, "I will answer them before they even call to me..." Be at peace.

OK. But you know it sure would be nice to know when this little princess plans to arrive...maybe a heavenly memo or something?

Simple Dining

2010-05-24T17:52:00.001-07:00

In my urge to purge and simplify, I told Scott (like months ago) that it would be nice to get rid of our hodge podge of cracked, chippped, unpleasant dinner plates and start over with a clean, simple set of white plates, bowls, etc.

I shared with him that I like my meals to be nutritious and yummy, but it would be nice to make a meal that presents well too, and part of that, for me, would be having simple, elegant, white dinnerware...so not essential, just sort of wishful better Homes and Gardens thinking.

So, my wonderful husband went to Salvation Army today and came home with a set of 1o perfect white porcelain (made in Poland NOT China) plates. How much did they cost? They were half price. Original price: $6.24 (FOR TEN PLATES!!!) so we got them for $3.12!

Hip hip hooray!!!!

Crib Bedding and Dream Houses

2010-05-24T13:13:00.000-07:00

So I guess it must be hormones, because I have literally spent months looking at 1) Houses; and 2) crib bedding for the new baby girl; and I just never really fell in love with any of it--though I have always known the main style I wanted in both.

And then, today, I found both my dream house and perfect bedding (thanks Jennifer Kennedy (Bakersfield version)) for the bedding link!

So, if anyone finds this bedding for me at like 78% off, let me know!!! LOL! I have super high hopes of making it myself, but I'm just not sure that much time and effort away from my little ones (or not sleeping) can be justified.

As for the house, you know, I was beginning to feel like I shouldn't care so much about the house situation, but I have come around to another point of view. I feel like my job, more than anything, is to make our house a home--spiritually, emotionally, and also physically.

And part of that is passionately creating an environment that is welcoming, peaceful, and beautiful.

Part of that is being happy with my own surroundings so that I can focus all my joy and happiness on my husband and little ones.

Part of that is allowing the passion God has put inside me to create, decorate, and reconstruct, to be put to good use.

So here is my creative passion flowing forth...in dreamy house photos and crib bedding. Not spiritually deep, but an undeniable part of who I am and what I do.

My Dream Home

2010-05-24T07:17:00.001-07:00

I don't know where this is, but I love it. My new favorite blog (mentioned and linked many times below) had a post today with tons of beautiful homes, but this is my favorite. It's simple, clean, traditional, and small with lots of room around it to roam and big trees.

Did I mention small? Yes, I am convinced I never want to live in a huge sprawling house, because I like to spend my time playing, gardening and tending to the outside (which I WOULD like to be sprawling) and creating beautiful memories and crafts with my kids, not cleaning. :) What does your dream home look like?

I'm Inspired to Be a GREAT Mommy and Housekeeper Again!

2010-05-23T12:41:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just need someone to copy.

You know what I mean?

I don't want to be creative or reinvent the wheel of mothering a larger-than-average family or housekeeping or laundry systems, I just want a mentor...to hold up in front of me and trace the outline--instead of freeform drawing my own image every day.

Do you have one? If so, who is it?

I haven't for a while...at least not one where I kind of want to just copy her entire life down to the color of her carpet.

But I think I may have found something close at this blog. I'm inspired again, and I needed a little re-inspiration the past few weeks!

What inspires you to be the best at what you do?

Decluttering and the Thrashed Baby Doll

2010-05-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

Today, inspired by my new favorite blog, I started throwing stuff out. Big black garbage bags filled with stuff. I was merciless, going room to room. If we don't love it, it has to go. Our house is simply too small to be hoarding all this "maybe we'll use this someday" stuff!

One of the items that got garbage bagged was this totally sad looking baby dolly that Kya inherited from some well-meaning friend. Its head is beat up, only one eyeball closes when you put her down (creepy), her body is all dirty and stained, a few fingers have been chewed...in the bag it went.

Tonight, Kya (4) went looking for said baby doll and oh deary me, what a sad state her little self was in over it. I figured she'd forget about it. Three hours later, do you believe she was still crying about the ugly thrashed dolly!?

So, I said, "Kya, that dolly is thrashed. We will get you a brand new clean baby doll to love." Her response was, "No mommy, I love that baby even if she is thrashed. Please rescue her from wherever you have hidden her right away!"

So, I rescued her...from the big black garbage bag...that I swore I would not re-open. Because how can you argue with that kind of love?

Why do I do that???

2010-05-21T19:49:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight, I ate THREE peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Why do I do that?

I have been doing so great on my fitness and diet and then I go and have THREE peanut butter and jelly sandwiches when all my children are asleep, my hubby is at a BBQ competition, and I should be folding laundry.

How do you recover from that?

Well, my normal instinct would be to go look for some ice cream because I've already blown it so badly! But, instead, I'm going to get busy with housework, which has been sorely neglected this week. I just wasn't feelin' it. Does that ever happen to you? I can have the house spotless (well close) one week and then I just sort of get bored and we make a big mess the next week and then I get fed up and get back on the wagon...I think I have housework ADD. Must be all those pesticides. (Did you see that CNN article linking pesticides and ADD? Interesting stuff!)

Anyway, it's hard for me to want to clean because I just can't really bend over with the baby getting bigger and so, I know there are things that I can't do...my perfectionism then limits me by saying, "Tara, you can't REALLY get this place clean, so why even bother?" Stupid perfectionism.

But after visiting one of my favorite blogs, Clover Lane, and reading about her penchant for organization and the fact that she subs in organizing and cleaning for stuffing her face with chocolate (well, she would never do that, because she's much too perfect, but you know what I mean), I decided to try cleaning instead of ice cream (which I think my hubby is hiding in the chest freezer in the garage.)

You know, I think if I lived in her house, with that gorgeous kitchen, I'd be so much more likely to clean and stay organized... nah...I'd still be a mess. :)

XOXOX

It's OK to Cry

2010-05-20T17:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we moms have a lot on our minds and we don't even realize it. Are they really sick? Are they having an appendicitis? Or do they need to poop? Should I try to go to the gym and stay in shape or should I rest and put up my varicose vein laden leg (I say leg because I only have them on the right! Weird.) Should I make a big dinner and will I have energy to clean up the dishes? What if I don't get around to vacuuming...ever? Will _____, who dropped by today, judge me forever as a bad housekeeper because I hadn't been able to get past the medicine droppers/hug me mommy/poopy diapers to do some chores today? It's funny how all these almost subconscious thoughts can really take a toll...so today when my doctor told me to take some Sudafed for what I thought was a potentially hearing impairing ear infection, I cried...because it had been building up. And now I feel better...It's OK to cry sometimes.

Dear Diet Pepsi

2010-05-19T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Diet Pepsi: I love you. I hate you. Love, Tara...

Having Babies

2010-05-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

Having babies is the most miraculous thing God has ever let me be a part of. I can't believe that a small person grows inside me and then bloop! There it is, a living child, part of our lives forever...

The whole experience is the most intense, exciting, anxiety-producing, joy-filled, wonderful, painful, focused endeavor...it's just indescribable really.

And soon, I will be part of that for the last time. I have many friends going through this final triumph as well. It is the end of an era, the beginning of something new, but the knowledge that this amazing experience will never happen again...well, it causes me to pause.

It causes me to take account of the miraculousness...and stop worrying so much about laundry, dishes, vacuuming, mopping (and my oh my has that built up the past few days!)...because there is something bigger here. There is the presence of life creation. There is an almost-ready-to-meet-the-world little girl brewing.

The excitement of her arrival sometimes takes my breath away.

The realization that the breathlessness of this process will not happen again...causes me to want to make time stop.

As my body continues on as a ticking time bomb (I always feel this way as the grand entrance approaches), I am hesitant to even nest...this is the last time I will do it and once it begins, my mind will be focused on tasks instead of on being. I want everything to be perfect...and yet, I know it doesn't matter one iota where the changing table is or what outfits she is wearing when she comes home.

New life...that is something bigger than all of us, something none of us fully comprehend. I am going to try to breathe it in, feel every kick and wriggle, appreciate every pain and discomfort...for this is new life...inside me.

She could go anywhere and do anything in the next 80+ years and it all begins right here...in this lowly unworthy, PBJ eating, Diet Pepsi-drinking body...

Having babies has been the most cherished thing I have ever done. Raising babies will be one of the hardest. Cheers to us all who are moving on from baby-makers to baby-raisers, and all those who are in between! It's been such an amazing ride...

Hanermom's Thoughts for the Day

2010-05-19T10:53:00.000-07:00

I eat too much peanut butter and jelly;
Caden is sticking the jelly side of his peanut butter and jelly on his forehead regularly, should I worry?;
I am 35 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty darn good;
Scott is almost finished with this school year, which is good for everyone, except his students, most of whom are failing, because they simply refuse to do homework or take one ounce of interest in the FREE education they are provided...ugh, I could dwell here, but I'm going to choose to move on;
I find myself thinking a lot about not putting others out with our rambunctious, joyful family of almost six; I make a lot of decisions about our activities and company based on these thoughts;
Caden likes to use my lip gloss as a pen;
Kya constantly amazes me with her insight and sensitivity; she is really one of my best friends and I enjoy her company and conversation a lot;
I looooooove the gym; it is a sacrifice financially, but one that I'm so glad we made;
I find myself thinking a little more about the fact that this little baby is going to be our last;
I am a little nervous about finding a new identity other than the pregnant/nursing mother I have been the past five years;
I find myself liking Newt Gingrich more and more;
I worry when I use that many "I" statement in a row;
We, as a family, have moved into a really wonderful time of service and enjoyment of God's little miracles in our lives; we notice that strange "coincidences" line up directly with prayers and that God is more in charge of our lives than we ever before acknowledged;
Wyatt has me worried...he seems sick a lot, and tired. I truly do not like going to the doctor, but may take him in for a once over to ease my mind;
We can't decide on a name, but one thing's for sure, we are not sharing our ideas with anybody anymore (except those of you who are supportive no matter what) because people...well...they just don't know how to react to the baby name issue properly in my opinion. If you ask me what we're thinking about, and I tell you, do NOT respond, "well, have you considered________ (fill in the blank with alternate name)?" UNLESS I specifically ask for your input; :) Baby names are so precious and close to the heart of the parents. Don't shoot down love and dreams with your unwelcome opinion! It's mean;
Do you think it's possible that God gave me the gift of wanting to be a hermit for a reason or that it's something I need to overcome?
I love my new pink cell phone;
I am thankful for text messaging--because I'm a hermit and don't really like to talk to people that much;
There is not one tiny part of my being that wants to go back to being a lawyer;
There is a tiny part of my being that wants to honor my mom and the fact that she really thinks I SHOULD go back to work (my mom doesn't read this blog and knows my feelings on the subject);
I wonder if I should stop telling people we are going to homeschool to protect my heart and commitment;
Sometimes, I just eat way too much;
I love watching Nature on PBS on Sunday nights;
I love date night with my husband and wonder how we ever sustained our marriage without it;
I adore our babysitter, Debbie. She balances out the rest of the world by her loving, giving nature;
I know I seem a little bitter today, but I'm not. I am very happy in our little Haner bubble;
Our schedule is reversed from what it used to be, with fun time in the morning, then rest, then chores and I like it sooooo much better--although the chores don't get done quite as well, the fun time we do great at now!
Chickens drink a lot of water;
No amount of frogs could ever eat the amount of earwigs we have;
I worry about the insanity of hormonal fluctuation returning after I give birth; this pregnancy has been such a welcome rest for my family from mommy insanity;
I do not miss cable TV;
I like to read something inspiring every morning to get me motivated for the day;
I am not the funny blogger I once was; I feel more serious and intense these days than I'd like, but it is what it is;
God really created my husband just for me; He is the perfect balance for me and I love him so very much;
We will never find another dog as great as Jake.

Ahhhhhh....

2010-05-15T15:05:00.001-07:00

I'm not altogether sure this isn't some form of unauthorized child labor, but for the past few weeks, during rest time, I lie down with Kya and Wyatt in our bed and we read and then watch a movie. The kids trade off picking the movie so it's always special to them on "their day."

Well, it has become REALLY special to me because Kya has decided to practice for a future career in massage during this time! She rubs my feet, or my arms, or my hands. I think it's just an excuse for her to get messy with my lotion, but I don't care. I am in heaven for those few minutes until she gets bored.

It's sad, but I have really started to look forward to my daily massages from my four year old! Today, Caden never fell back to sleep after we got home from the ranch and so I didn't get my massage. I think I'm having withdrawals...

Praying for Frogs

2010-05-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

I am regaining my love for gardening these days.

As we resign ourselves once again to staying in our little home, we are making plans to improve our small plot. Some of these improvements include terracing the slope, adding more fruit trees, continuing to maintain and add to our gardens, and adding a second chicken coop for our quickly maturing new flock of chickens.

What does this have to do with frogs you may ask (referring to the title of this blog post)?

Well, part of our desire to raise natural produce has been to keep our little plot chemical free. We have had a "bug man" in the past, but since reading that the best way to control pests is by fostering a naturally beneficial environment for the good pests, we have tried to avoid chemical warfare. Nature has a way of balancing itself and will control pests in a more effective way if we humans will just let it be.

HOWEVER...

The earwigs have returned this Spring with a vengeance. First, it was one here and there. Now, the backyard is literally dripping with them. We moved one of our push toys today to sweep and at least 50 of them came crawling out from underneath. Same with the sit 'n spin we keep on the back porch...and the rocking horse...

As I added to the strawberry patch in the front yard today, I only found a few of the little creatures, but I know it is only a matter of time before they overrun the front too.

As I walked through the house last night, answering one of our children's cries, I caught two crawling up the walls of the living room. I found one under my razor in the shower. I saw one scuttle out from one of the couch cushions this morning. I saw one scurry out from under my pen when I went to do my Bible study.

They have eaten about half of our carefully grown seedlings, though they seem to avoid the tomatoes and sunflower seedlings. It could be a very tomato heavy harvest this summer.

So, you may be wondering what the natural predator of these beasties is? Well, pretty much only frogs...and chickens...though our girls are so well fed with table scraps and their regular feed, they sometimes forego the scrumptious earwig feast laid out before them.

Last year, I reached my tolerance level before the frogs came and we had Cesar (the "bug man") come spray. When the frogs came a few weeks later, they had little to eat, and what they could eat was poisoned. And I worried and fretted about the chemical damage to the soil.

So, I vowed this year would be different. We would wait patiently for the frogs.

BUT...

If I find one in the bassinet, I will scream, and the bug man will be called...

If I find one anywhere near my bed or pillow, same goes...

I am praying for frogs.

Happy Mother's Day!

2010-05-09T09:26:00.001-07:00

This is a picture of my mom and me at my shower. My GIGANTIC belly and swollen ankles were thankfully left out of the photo (thanks Raquel!) Speaking of which, did I tell you my doctor prescribed SUPPORT HOSE for me? Nice. Four babies in five years has definitely taken a toll on my body, but the sacrifice for motherhood is totally worth it. Happy Mother's Day friends!

Our Leader is Out

2010-05-08T17:10:00.000-07:00

Well, daddy finally caught the tummy part of the bug. Now he understands...

You simply can't move...

You can't eat...

You don't want to throw up, but you have permanent reflux as though nothing in your entire digestive system will move south...

You're a little thirsty, but not enough to move toward anything hydrating...

You're freezing cold and burning hot all at once...he got out the WOOL blanket for goodness sake! It's 70 degrees today.

You hope and pray that it will be over soon...

Hang in there daddy. We're a bit lost without you!

Things I am Thankful for Today...

2010-05-03T21:34:00.000-07:00

Somewhat shallow, but today I took a long hard look at our kitchen and our dog, Jake, and thought to myself, "I like these..."

I feel extra blessed today to get to stay home with my kids and make meals in a nice kitchen with a trusty faithful canine companion.

Sick Day

2010-05-03T16:36:00.000-07:00

Today, the kids are super sick and we are homebound for the week I foresee. So, without the gym, church, preschool, etc., I am really thankful for routine and chore charts. Otherwise, I think I would be saying, "What do I do with myself and all these sick kids?"

Today, after taking Caden to the doctor for another bout with croup--steroids and breathing treatments, here we go again!-- we came home and everyone slept--well, except me.

I am still seeking out our next residence through prayer and internet research. My soul just will not rest about this for some reason (although I thought last week perhaps it would.) I just have a dream and it won't die...

Here is my latest hopeful property: http://www.coldwellbanker.com/servlet/PropertyListing?action=detail&ComColdwellbankerDataProperty_id=115584261&page=property

Yes, I know it's far from town, but it is so nice and I really like the idea of planning our "trips to town" and making sure we utilize our "car time" for the best. Right now, we pick up and go whenever we please, and it's pretty wasteful. I suppose I could change that without moving an hour out of town...

Anyway, I did a little research, put out a few feelers, and then tackled the kids' room and laundry (my chores of the day.)

I deep cleaned Kya and Wyatt's room and even steam cleaned the carpet. I figured with all this illness, they at least need to sleep in a clean room. I have done five loads of laundry so far and have lots more to do (and fold and put away.) But, it's nice to have accomplished something.

Our child focus of the day is the sickest of the day today, though normally, today would be Kya's learning day.

Off to pick up some prescriptions and make the most of our homebound evening. :) Chicken soup anyone?

My How Things Change...

2010-04-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

My friend Raquel sent me this blast from the past photo; I was pregnant with Wyatt, still a mommy of only one, (still wearing false eyelashes regularly! Ha!) and my how I have changed...not so much physically, although I do think my skin and hair have aged decades the last five years, but that's another post...

I am a calmer mom. I am a more obedient wife. I am a more trusting child of God. I am a less defensive person. I am a better housekeeper and more disciplined disciple. I am a better friend. I am more wise with money. I am more thankful. I am more sensitive. I cry more easily. I hug longer. I am more tolerant of bad smells. I am less likely to worry about the house being a mess when someone pops by, and more likely to offer them a drink and a smile. I am better about recycling. I am less judgmental...all because we have three (soon to be four) kids under the age of five.

Thanks Raquel for making me take inventory of the past few years and how they have chiseled away at the bad and enhanced the good parts of me.

Obedience

2010-04-22T17:18:00.000-07:00

Ephesians 6:1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.

It's been one of those days...

As a parent of three small children, soon to be four...(joyful, slightly anxious sigh...)

...I find myself often contemplating the idea of "obedience."

When our first child was a toddler, we began trying to instill in her the idea of first time obedience. That is, giving her an instruction and having her obey that instruction the first time, rather than asking and ASKING and YELLING and getting into a power struggle.

People often looked at me oddly when I would ask our 19 month old, "Are you going to choose to obey mommy or disobey?" And she would promptly respond, "Obey."

I think the odd looks were due in part to the use of such a big word with such a small child, (and frankly, a word more often associated with canine behavior than children's), and also because she would actually obey after this little exchange took place.

So, since then, our parenting with regard to obedience, has evolved into this rather simple exchange...the conversation goes like this:

Me: "What did mommy ask you to do?"
Child: "____________."
Me: "What did you do instead?"
Child: "I __________________." or, "I disobeyed."
Me: "So what does mommy have to do?"
Child: "Give me a spanking (usually stated while covering the referenced anatomical area.)"
Spanking Ensues.

We follow with hugs and I almost always remember to tell them I love them and am not angry at them, just want them to learn obedience. At various times we discuss God's instruction to parents regarding training our children, etc. etc. so they know why we do what we do...

So, today, I realized, I have been getting away from the first time obedience training format with Wyatt (3). I find myself tired, busy, or just lazy at times, repeating myself over and over and OVER again until I AM really, really angry at him. And by then, the training is futile. Angry obedience training does not work I have found...I have to do the training before the power struggle and frustration (on both our parts) has set in.

I woke up with firm resolve that today would be a good training day. I believe that before breakfast, I probably had the above-referenced exchange and spanking scenario about 20 times.
I called my husband...left a voicemail..."The children and I are not getting along well today and I think we need a separation period..." No one came to relieve me of duty, so finally at 10:30 am, we went to Bible study (an hour late due to MANY unfortunate disobedience episodes.)

Episode ONE: DO NOT GO OUTSIDE
I told Wyatt, "It is wet and cold and we are not having outdoor playtime today." As I washed the third of the four thousand dishes in the sink, I thought I heard the door open. Yes, indeed, it was Wyatt, outside, followed by a very intrigued Caden..."Well, what's the harm?" I thought; I'll let it go.

Episode TWO: DO NOT OPEN THE SAND BOX
I told Wyatt, "The sand in the sandbox is wet and muddy and you guys are in your clothes to go to church, so please don't open the sandbox." I ran inside to get a sweater. When I came out, both boys were in the sandbox, covered in water and sandy muddy mess. I could not spank Wyatt at that point because I was shaking mad...it is really hard to get Caden dressed at this stage of pregnancy because he weighs 32 lbs and still acts like a raving lunatic when I'm changing his diaper and clothes. The 17 month old psyche in a solid two year old body is not fun...

I digress...

I could go on with the following thirty seven or so episodes, but I won't, because you'll start to hate my kids and that wouldn't be good, because they are USUALLY NOT LIKE THIS!!!

We changed clothes, and even though we were going to be AN HOUR LATE for Bible study, I thought, "If I don't get my nose in the Word of God, I am going to lose it and CPS will surely be justified in removing my children and throwing me in the nuthouse."

So off we went.

And I was able to regroup. It was during the study that I realized how tired I was and how little consistency I had been giving my boys lately with regard to discipline. Their behavior, in large part, was due to my own 1) Moodiness; 2) Lack of Commitment; 3) Lack of healthy food preparation for their little brains to function in a stable manner; and 4) Lack of prayer for mothering endurance (which I used to do daily.)

I had become lax. And I could not hold them accountable for my lack of diligence.

After a nap (thank you Lord for that answered prayer!!!), I woke up thinking about obedience. I wondered what God had to say about it for us as well.

God calls us to a life of obedience to him just like he calls children to obey their parents. (Proverbs 16:20, Jeremiah 7:23.)

God does not want us to obey Him for the sake of obedience or to make our lives miserable. Just like the reason God gives for children obeying their parents is so that their lives may be richer, more blessed, and longer, so it is for us. If we obey God's commands for our life, trust in His wisdom, and seek His direction for our lives, we will be more blessed as well...

...and much less wet and sandy!

We are going to get back to the consistent first time obedience routine, for all our sakes! Thank you God for awakening this realization in me today.

Master Bedroom Redo

2010-04-19T07:49:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but the room in our house that never really gets cleaned and always ends up with all the junk, is our master bedroom.

Part of the reason for this? My designated master bedroom cleaning day has heretofore been Wednesdays, which is a very busy day with church and babysitting, so I never quite get around to it.

So, I am switching Wednesday (errand day) to Mondays and big laundry day to Wednesdays.

Our current master bedroom is blue...blue walls, blue blankets, blue blue blue...And it used to look nice, but it doesn't anymore.

Since the baby will be in there with us for a while, I would like to decorate the room for both us and her. This is the look we I am going for.

I have a challenge though. I can't paint the whole room because a) I'm pregnant, and b) there is a gargantuan entertainment center on one wall that Scott swears we will never again move. And, of course, I don't know the blue that is in there because I didn't keep the color name, so touch ups are also out of the question as of now. But, the paint is chipped and marred and needs some help.

My solution? Today I will go to Lowe's and get some swatches of Behr to try to find the culprit. I will need a lot of luck as it has been seven years since we painted this room.

First priority though has to de-clutter!

Stay tuned for before and after shots!

My goal is to keep the whole project under $100.

Oh I will do a mountain/off the grid update post tonight too!

Be Fruitful and Multiply: Finances

2010-04-18T16:40:00.000-07:00

This is my third and final post related to the book, "Be Fruitful and Multiply" by Nancy Campbell, and as promised, it deals with the financial aspect of having a large family.

Probably the most common objection people find with having a "large family" is finances. Our culture has instilled in us the notion that having a large family is not practical and certainly not ideal because it may mean you can't afford things.

So, here's the deal. This book does not argue that it is cheaper to have a large family. It does not claim that it is easy to send multiple children to college, etc.

What it does challenge is the notion of "richness." The perspective most of us have is that we are "rich" if we have things. We are "rich" if we can afford a nice car, nice house, nice furnishings, nice clothes, nice...stuff. And if having lots of children impedes our ability to have lots of stuff, then we will be "poor."

But here's the deal.

What is "rich?" And what is "poor?" In God's economy, one of the biggest blessings bestowed on couples is children, according to the Bible. Psalm 127:3-5 (among many verses) points to this. So, to deny God's blessing of children would make you "poorer" in His estimation. And that's a pretty big deal, don't you think?

Here's a story from the book that gives some perspective on "rich" and "poor."

"For nearly a year, our daughter lived in a one-room cabin with no running water, no bathroom, and no inside kitchen. She had five children and was pregnant with her sixth. They now have a bathroom, running water, another room added on--and a seventh baby! But they still don't have bedrooms or even beds for the children. There's no room for beds. Each night, the children take their blankets from the big pile in the corner and make their cozy spot on the floor in the all-purpose room. Is Evangeline a grumbling mess? No! Are the children deprived? No! They have a wonderful life! She is the most joyful mother in the nation. The children are happy and live adventure-filled lives. Some time ago, some young people gathered and began to discuss who where the richest people they knew. They all came to the conclusion that Evangeline and Howard were the richest! It had nothing to do with their material possessions. It had all to do with their joy of the Lord and their attitude."

Yes, you say, but isn't it irresponsible to bring children into the world when you can't necessarily pay for them to have "the best?" Well, first of all, what do you think of as "the best?" I know plenty of only children, or children with only one sibling, from very materially wealthy families, filled with divorce, alcohol, anger, and bitterness...and plenty who live in small houses filled with joy and laughter, lots of children, but not many "things." I can say that the latter are often happier, more well-rounded, and kinder children. This is not an absolute truth, of course, but interesting to think about.

The book also gives countless references to Biblical mandates to, "be fruitful and multiply." If this is so, and all the references I looked up seemed to indicate so, the author says:

"When God says, 'Be fruitful and multiply," faith obeys. Unbelief says...

"But how will I provide for these children?"
"But we only live in an apartment, we haven't built our own home yet."
"But we haven't got a big enough home."
"But if we have more than two children, we won't be able to afford their college education."

Faith simply obeys--and trusts God."

I guess the thought would be, if you obey God and believe He has called you to have many children, He will provide.

Another thought to consider--children might actually save you money!

"A bigger family teaches you how to be more frugal. If you don't have children or have only two, you probably will become more materialistic; you go out to dinner more, you buy "things" that you don't really need. We definitely don't need to have all the things that we think we do."

A great example of living frugally and being blessed is the Duggar family. They built their 7,000+ sq. ft. home without having to incur ANY mortgage debt. They simply lived a life where they only spent what they had. And God has blessed them richly...with children, and material provision for all 21 of them!

MY TAKE:
Of course, God does not simply tell us to have lots of kids and leave it at that. We have instruction throughout the Bible about being good stewards of His provision and being responsible people. The whole picture is this, in my opinion: If you obey God's command to be fruitful and multiply, but mooch off the system, parent irresponsibly, spend money inappropriately, fail to properly train your children and discipline them according to God's ways, and/or fail to lay your life down daily in search of the best for your children, then a large family is not going to be the blessing God intended.

If you are not willing to agree with your husband and submit to his leadership, or, if your husband isn't a believer, then the whole picture of God's blessings for multiple children is not fulfilled. If you refuse to tithe and give/serve as God asks, or if you are not loving to your fellow man (including your own family), you're still not going to a life as blessed as one who does, regardless of how many children you bring forth. Does that make sense?

You can't pick out one verse and say, "I'll have a big family because God says He'll take care of it," and ignore the remainder of the instruction manual that will make it possible for you to do it in a blessed way. If you're not willing to sacrifice and you don't view being rich in children as a blessing, if you would rather have a nice house and nice things than raise children, if you think that being a stay at home submitted wife is outdated or old-fashioned, having lots of kids may not work for you.

But, if you have been granted an extra measure of love for kids, you don't mind driving an older model large vehicle, you don't mind your house getting messy, you love the chatter and laughter of kids, you commit your plans and family to the Lord (prov. 16:3), and feel that the Spirit has led you to have a big family, you can do it! (Or rather God can through you.)

I'll leave you with this from the book:

"Jesus was born in a manger, in a barn, with the animals. Jesus was born to be King, but God did not provide a palace for His Son in which to be born. There was no beautifully draped cradle with lace and frills. Only straw! If it was good enough for God's son to be born in a barn, why do we think that we cannot afford children? We needn't own our own home nor have all the conveniences before we are ready to have a baby. We don't have to be in the "wealthy class." All we need is willing and welcome hearts. God will provide for the children He sends."

Perhaps the title of this post should have been, "What makes us rich?"

This book has really made me think. I have no conclusions, just lots of thoughts and prayers. I hope you enjoyed reading a bit about these thoughts. Now we can move on. :)

Jabber Jabber Jabber

2010-04-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

Caden (17 months) has started carrying on these elaborate conversations with us lately made up of nothing (I mean absolutely nothing) resembling a recognizable word. It is really funny so I'm glad I captured a bit of it here. I think this is what I sound like to him most of the time. If you are reading this on Facebook and can't see the video, go to http://hanerhome.blogspot.com

My sentiments have already been written...

2010-04-13T20:15:00.001-07:00

My blogging friend Brooke has written everything I have to say tonight in her latest blog post, "Prayer for the End of Pregnancy." Read it here.

My only change is to substitute "Diet Pepsi" for "Diet Coke." I encourage regular reading of Brooke's blog for anyone who likes to laugh and read a great writer. She has a great attitude and way with words. Oh, and we also live parallel lives as she is a former attorney turned stay-at-home mom as well.

I am still accumulating my facts and information for the next part of the Be Fruitful and Multiply post. Incidentally, today, I don't care what I read in there, the way I feel indicates that this should most definitely be our last child. And if that contraction this morning was courtesy of "Braxton Hicks," I say boooooooooo Mr. Hicks. Booooooooooo.

Be Fruitful and Multiply: Created to Mother (*Image of Nursing Mother)

2010-04-09T14:14:00.001-07:00

One of the most persuasive parts of the book, to me, discussed the positive role of multiple births and nursing multiple babies on female physiology. (It does not discuss the increased medical risks of having multiple births, c-sections, etc., just the natural order of women's bodies and the way we are programmed.)

Romans 9:19-20 asks, "Who art thou that disputed against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?" In other words, who are we to argue with the way God made our bodies to function?

Cancer:

More statistics are constantly proving that the more a mother breastfeeds, the less likelihood she has of getting breast cancer, ovarian cancer, or even fibroids and endometriosis.

"Malcolm Pike of the Southern California School of Medicine, Los Angeles, 'the epidemic rates of breast and other female cancers on a afact of modern life: The average American woman starts menstruating at age 12 and typically gives birth to one or two infants. Pike estimates she will ovulate a whopping 450 times during her lifetime. By contrast , a woman who lived even 200 years ago would have started menstruating at age 17 and would have delivered and breastfed eight babies. Thus our foremothers ovulated fewer than 150 times in their lives. Pike argues that pregnancy and lactation provide crucial resting period for the ovaries, the female sex glands that produce not only eggs, but also several powerful hormones, including estrogen and progesterone. Each month, a woman's body readies itself for pregnancy. The ovaries secrete estrogen and progesterone, which tell the breast cells to begin dividing in preparation for milk production. In years past, women went through this cycle less frequently because they were more often either pregnant of breastfeeding.'"

"'The Tania women of Hong Kong, who traditionally only nurse with their right breast, have more cancer in their left breast' (Mark Renneker, M.D., Understanding Cancer)."

"A recent CASH study involving about nine-thousand women revealed that the women with the least breast cancer were those who had the most children and thus a longer breastfeeding experience. CASH researcher Peter Layde, M.D., reports that women who breastfed a total of two years of more had nearly a third less breast cancer than women who did not breast feed."

For more on breastfeeding God's way, I was personally swayed by this article which gives eight solid reasons supporting the essential and nurturing reasons to breastfeed babies...and the more the better! :)

The other point made in the book is that the constant ups and downs of a monthly cycle can and will be averted by giving the ovaries and the hormones they produce when not pregnant or nursing, a much needed break. The average break I get from menses is about 16-17 months. Although pregnancy comes with its own tiredness and sometimes nausea, for me, this is a break from the monthly misery of PMS, cramps, etc. I adore this time of rest and I am a MUCH better mother when I am pregnant and/or nursing. I attribute this to many physiological factors with which God blessed mothers.

The segment below is also from Nancy Campbell's writings, which can be found here.
"OXYTOCIN:

This hormone, which is released by the pituitary gland, is the hormone that stimulates the mother's letdown or milk-ejection reflex (the tingly sensation you feel when the milk lets down). This is a wonderful hormone that has a calming effect upon the mother. Every time the milk 'lets down' she experiences a feeling of relaxation and calm and sometimes sleepiness comes over her. God is good. When we do things His way, we get His benefits. He knows that mothers need this calming hormone and He has graciously provided it for us.

I am not a calm person by nature, but after nursing my babies for many years, the continual release of oxytocin had a major calming effect upon my whole personality. The more children I had, the more I noticed it. Many mothers notice an increase in tension after weaning their babies. My daughter, who is very similar to me, is now nursing her baby and we see this calming effect upon her. My other daughters look on and say, 'Mother, that 'relaxin' (as they have nicknamed the hormone) sure works, doesn't it?'

A dear young mother who I know very well had just given birth to her third baby when her husband had an accident with very serious head injuries. They didn't think he would live through the night, but with prayer he did. The doctors then said that if he lived he would be a vegetable. It was a traumatic time for this young wife. Well-wishing friends advised her to wean her baby because it would be too much for her to cope with, especially as she had to drive an hour and a half to the city each day to visit her husband. But her wise mother encouraged her to continue nursing. Every day she went to the hospital, taking her baby with her, and continued to nurse her through the long difficult months. It turned out to be her greatest blessing. The hormone oxytocin helped to keep her calm through all this time. By the way, I should tell you the end of the story. Because of the prayers of God's people across the world, this husband, who they said would be a vegetable, is alive today and doing well - and they have since had two more children.

A study cited by Dr. Niles Newton, Professor of Behavioral Sciences at Northwestern University of Chicago says 'mothers who were exclusively breastfeeding their infants had higher levels of oxytocin during feedings than mothers who were breastfeeding and giving formula supplements.'

Randee Romano writes about a study, which 'indicates that the secretion of oxytocin is a conditioned response, meaning that a mother's body may produce oxytocin in response to familiar sights, sounds, or activities, not just from the direct stimulation of breastfeeding. In a small sample of nursing mothers, all showed an increase in oxytocin before the baby was put to breast. This will not surprise mothers who feel their milk let down when their babies cry. In fact, half of the women in the study experienced this. An increase in oxytocin levels was also measured in 30 percent of the mothers when their babies became restless and in 20 percent of the women as they were preparing to nurse.'

Oxytocin is known as the 'hormone of love'. Dr. Niles Newton says, 'Oxytocin also triggers nurturing behaviour.... Both men and women release oxytocin with orgasm. Married couples, after lovemaking, and nursing mothers, after breastfeeding, all reported lower levels of anxiety and depression than a group of mothers surveyed after a bottle-feeding. Even eating triggers oxytocin release, which is another reason to share family mealtimes.'"

Lastly, on this particular issue, I read what initially seemed awfully harsh to me, that women who delay pregnancy are more prone to have endometriosis or "career woman's disease." Studies reveal that women who bear their first child before age twenty-two are less likely to develop this disease and ovarian cancer as well. God knows this and says in Psalm 127:4, "As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man, so are children of the youth." Interesting.

Saved by Childbearing:

1 Timothy 2:14-15 says, 'Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgresson. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and love and holiness with sobriety."

childbearing=teknogonia in this instance

teknon="child"
gonia=root word "gen"--"to beget"

Vine's says it "denotes bearing children, implying the duties of motherhood." This means more than clhildbirth, but rather a career in childbearing...

The "saving" referenced in this scripture is not the salvation from sin, but salvation from deception. Women will be saved from getting into deception and from being lured away from thsir divine destiny, if they continue to walk in the role of motherhood God planned for them...if they continue to view motherhood and childbearing as their career.

Now honestly, I know there are many questions begged by this post. But, let me reiterate, this is only one tiny section of this book that initially began the persuasion process in my heart. There is SO MUCH MORE! And many of those questions lurking in your head like, "What about finances? What about people having babies that are poor and uneducated? What about all those people who are drug addicts and abusive?" All those things are discussed or at least addressed.

And, I am quite sure, though Nancy Campbell might adore the praise and publicity, that she does not want me cutting and pasting her whole book here. So, tomorrow, I will pick up with her answers to the financial concerns this culture has with "big families." And then, I think I will leave it to you to read further yourself and pray about what you have read.

Although I feel peaceful with only four children in our home, there is something still tugging at my heart after reading this book...something very real, and very intense. I am so curious what other believers would think after reading it themselves.

For me, I am also concerned because I am almost thirty five! Would God have us continue procreating after this "high risk" age? Perhaps the last few chapters will address this quandary.

If nothing else, this book has really made me think. And I like that. I hope this post is making you think too. Blessings!

Be Fruitful and Multiply

2010-04-08T21:03:00.000-07:00

I have been reading this book, "Be Fruitful and Multiply" by Nancy Campbell, more out of curiosity than anything.

I love Nancy Campbell and the Above Rubies Newsletter and website. She inspires me and challenges me to be a better wife, mother, and child of God.

So when this book came to me as part of the Above Rubies donation to our MOPS auction, I was intrigued--so much that I bid on it at the auction and won it!

The reason I was so curious is that I have never really subscribed to the we-should-have-as-many-children-as-God-will-bless-us-with philosophy. And I couldn't imagine any book could convince me otherwise.

What about college expenses? What about space in our home? Our car? What about food and shelter and medical bills? Weddings? Doesn't each child need their own room/bed/closet/bathroom space?

Well, I have been truly shocked to find myself persuaded despite all my pre-conceived notions that God made us to be fruitful and multiply and He wants that for our families...and our families will be blessed in greater measure as we obey His desires for our families.

The next few blog posts will be controversial I am sure, but I would like to start with the first persuasive chapter I read about the natural functions of women's bodies and the scientific evidence supporting our physiological need to limit menses and give the ovaries a significant resting period--this naturally created by pregnancy and breastfeeding.

I know, I thought the whole book would seem ludicrous to me in light of the world's population problems, the financial limitations issue, and of course, the fact that having lots of kids seems really challenging. But, I found my heart really changing as I read, especially the middle and later chapters.

Obviously, with three children and a fourth on the way, I love having children...I love being pregnant and NOT having PMS. I love nursing and the hormonal exhiliration and relaxation that accompanies it...but most of all, I cannot imagine our lives without any one of our children. Each provides such an intense source of joy and blessing. I am thankful every day that we decided to have them and for the one that is yet to come because I know she will only intensify that joy.

Some would have had us stop at one...and then two. Many were not quiet in voicing their disapproval of our growing family. "Shouldn't you be getting back to work?" "How will you pay for this?" "Why would you want to do this?" "Your house isn't big enough."

The questions were sometimes concerned and gentle, sometimes accusing, sometimes downright inappropriate and rude. But now, with each criticized "extra" child a living, present part of the family, none of the naysayers would ever say "send them back!" They are loved and provided for, and gosh, I don't think anyone would ever say Wyatt or Caden were mistakes now that they are here!

But, I never thought about having children as not being my choice. I never thought about how limiting the number of children we have could be harmful or less than ideal. I never thought about artificial contraception as interfering with God's blessings. I just really liked having kids.

I challenge anyone to read this book and not at least find something in it that challenges conventional ideas about child-bearing.

Stay tuned--"The Natural Function--Created to Mother" will be my next post. :) And then, "The Financial Questions Answered."

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"Make it Do or Do Without..."

2010-04-07T16:23:00.001-07:00

I read this quote today over at Large Family Mothering, and it was such a good reminder (and her post about dishwashers was pretty funny too!)

Lately, I find myself searching the internet for replacements, improvements, and just plain new stuff. This has included agonizing over baby room decor and furnishings for my registry, new maternity clothes (that I will only be able to wear for three more months), flooring (to tile, to laminate, to re-carpet...), fancy egg cartons and baskets (for the eggs we give away), and a new bigger rectangular dining table with seven chairs.

But hello! We have ENOUGH STUFF for twelve families! And just because we currently utilize a folding craft table for our meals does not in any way degrade the quality of the meals or the time we spend there as a family. The kids wouldn't know the difference if we had an $1100 Cost Plus Dining Set.

The maternity clothes I have will be just fine for a few more months and then I can focus on getting back into the ones in crates in the attic.

The baby won't know if she had brand new beautiful furnishings and decor or if it's the same stuff the boys used! And who am I doing all this decorating for anyway? For ME! That's who! And that's a little silly. I plan to start making and sewing the bedding for her room next week from the bazillions of yards of fabric I have stored away.

The new flooring will get dirty just like the old flooring. And the pets and kids will likely do some kind of irreparable harm to it just like they have our carpet (lately, I find myself wondering why oh why the carpet is so sticky in the kids' bathroom (I suspect toothpaste)--and why oh why did the builder put carpet IN THE BATHROOM???) But seriously, will I always fear that my kids will harm the new beautiful floors and be unable to enjoy them or the kids? Right now, the kids can't really make it worse, so I don't worry! :) That's a plus.

And the eggs...do I really need a neat $20 (plus tax and shipping) egg basket to retrieve the eggs and take them all 20 feet to the kitchen? Sure the plastic coated metal wire baskets will probably mean fewer drops, cracks, and delivery debacles, but we can just be a little more careful (well, Wyatt can...he's the egg collector in the family--thus the many debacles.) The new basket will not make him any more careful.

Ah, but the new table, surely a new table will make the whole kitchen so much nicer and more pleasant. The kids won't be able to move it as easily with the slightest kick if it is nice solid wood, but I think it is not going to help me with the dishes or meal preparation...and it certainly won't be self-cleaning.

And the things that have lasting value, raising our children, improving our relationship with God, nurturing and strengthening relationships with family and friends, are FREE! :) Me thinks me needs to keep a Godly outlook and realize that new-fangled stuff is not going to make any lasting difference in this life. The legacy of Godly children, a husband who feels loved and respected (and not financially strapped) by his wife, and a personal relationship with God that grows deeper daily...this is the stuff that will not rot or rust...or be covered in toothpaste within a week.

But you see how I am a little torn in two by my love of earthly stuff and my desire to walk as God would have me walk--giving up all "our" belongings to Him and being satisfied with His provision, which is plentiful...

I'm working on it Lord!

Happy Birthday Wyatt!

2010-04-01T08:55:00.000-07:00

Our sweet Wyatt Scott Haner:

You came into our lives three years ago just after midnight on April 1, 2007 weighing 8 lbs., 14 oz. Mommy cringed when she looked at the clock after just 2 hours and 45 minutes of labor--just a few minutes earlier could have saved you years of April Fool's Day misery. But, God had a plan for your arrival, so who was mommy to cringe? It was a peaceful delivery with only daddy and the doctor and one nurse present. There was not a lot of hoopla, just you and us, and the peace and quiet of night during a very calm night at the hospital. We may have been the only ones there.

You spent a few days in the NICU, and mommy slept in the parking lot in the Volvo so she could nurse you every three hours on call. The nurses in the NICU said you had some great lungs because when you cried, it woke everyone in the nursery! We were a little nervous about that, but once we got you home, you were a very peaceful baby, who slept like a champ!

You have been the sweetest little man and blessed our lives ever since.

Three year old Wyatt:

- is almost completely potty trained (just a few pee pee accidents here and there);

- loves to cuddle on the couch and do "learning time";

- loves to play golf;

- loves his Grandpa Mac more than anything on earth even though he gives him a "whoopin'" now and then;

- loves to "be the fastest"--at everything!

- loves to play with his friend Grant;

- loves beverages--all day long must have some sort of drink...juice, milk, soda, Crystal Light, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, lemonade, smoothies, you name it, he loves it;

- loves to watch "Sight Words" videos (crazy kid);

- loves to snuggle into bed next to mommy in the quiet of the night, holds very still and curls up into a ball--by far the easiest of our kids to sleep and cuddle with;

- still likes to carry around his "lovies"--small lightweight blankets with hoodies built in, given to him his first Christmas by Kelly Kitchens--and his "baby doll"--not manly, but really really cute;

- loves to play with tools and help daddy build chicken coops;

- could eat "peanut butter and jelly, sock 'em in the belly, saaaaandwiches" for every meal;

- nicknamed "Wy Wy," "Wyatt Welker," and "Wyatt Wabbit" by those who know and love him best;

- calls all sports jerseys, regardless of team, color or name on the actual jersey, his "Wyatt Welker shirts;"

- lately, wants his hair "flat like Grandpa Mac likes it-- NOT spiky!"

- knows the whole alphabet and the sounds of all the letters;

- likes to dance and sing and has great pitch!

- enjoys a Disney princess flick as much as Bob the Builder;

- still takes a nap almost every day, for at least two hours;

- is the most cautious of our children when it comes to potentially dangerous circumstances;

- loves to sing country music with his daddy, including "Don't touch my Hat" by Country George and "Ten Gallon Hat" by some other beer drinkin' country music singer;

- loves God, church, family, friends, animals and the great outdoors;

- does not like to wear shoes--even really cute ones (definitely does not get this from me);

- loves to collect eggs from the chickens and seldom drops one these days;

- helps around the house with everything, but really enjoys cooking with mommy ("patting" pancakes in particular);

- loves to talk on the phone--to anyone--about anything;

- is quite good at getting himself dressed, but always had his pants on backwards. Interestingly, they fit much better that way; if he wears them the proper way, they tend to show crack;

- still does not have his second set of molars.

We love you little man! Thank you for all that you are and all that you bring to our lives. Happy birthday!

The Mountain--Walking the Line

2010-03-29T08:22:00.001-07:00

What's the latest on the mountain pursuit? (Breckenridge Mountain ("the mountain") is pictured above.)

It's not really a mountain per se. It's a tall hill, but it's at 1200 ft., and the parcel looks down on so much that it feels mountainous to us.

Well, we had been pretty single-minded the past few weeks. Basically, acquisition of the mountain and beginning our lives there consumed most of our thoughts and conversations. It has been so much fun coming up with creative solutions to the lack of utilities, lack of family support, lack of available financing. We came up with an alternative energy plan, a written plan including our dreams and goals and financing a small organic poultry and egg farm on the land to encourage the nay-sayers with a written description of our vision, and we found some unique financing options that actually looked feasible.

But then, after church, Scott felt really drawn to walk the property line of the parcel, which includes some very rocky steep terrain, to see what this 40 acres really included. He wasn't sure why, but he felt it was important.

When you stand at the top of the mountain, where we would likely have our home, it all looks so surreal and beautiful. But, there is 40 acres around that house pad that we wondered...what would we do with that?

So, he walked...and his friend Ben walked with him...

And it wasn't so much a walk apparently as a hike. At times, belaying equipment could have been of some assistance. At times, there was no going any further due to shear drop-offs and/or impassable steep sections...and that was only half the property. At times, Scott thought perhaps Ben would not be his friend much longer.

It was the first time we had a realistic, non-positive thought about our move. Do we really want 40 acres, 80% of which is essentially unusable?

...to be continued...

For Brooke

2010-03-29T00:14:00.001-07:00

For your shopping ease, here's the link.

Mommy Baby Nursing Set

2010-03-28T11:01:00.000-07:00

I have been reading quite a wonderful Biblical study called The Power of Motherhood, and today I read about breastfeeding and its wondrous effects on baby and mommy. I think I may write more about this later because even though I have nursed three babies, it was eye opening and really gave some great insights about breastfeeding and now I am really excited to do it again!! I was a bit on the fence about it previously because the first few weeks have often been challenging physically and emotionally for me to nurse. I will spare you the details...but now, armed with this new encouragement, I am once again prepared for the challenge and ready to nourish a newborn in this special way.

Then, as I browsed the ON SALE at OLD NAVY Maternity section, I found this mommy and baby nursing set:

Doesn't it look comfy and oh so cute? I can't wait to snuggle up with this little precious princess and nurse. :) I can't afford the outfit, but it is making me yearn for my soft PJ's and a tiny newborn (though mine are rarely tiny) for a nice soft cuddle.

Size L please. :)

Shopping Makes Me Happy

2010-03-27T13:57:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or does shopping for new clothes/shoes/handbags tend to make you think you are going to look cuter and skinnier?

Because I am fat and pregnant currently, I enjoy shopping so much more because it seems like it might make me feel a bit more feminine than a beached whale.

Don't get me wrong, I love pregnancy. I really do. The magic of life inside you is surreal and unfathomably lovely. But, then I see a picture of Jennifer Aniston's legs and I want to be skinny. So I shop.

Now, I can't go craaaaaazy shopping, so I find key buys that make me smile both because they are cute and because they are inexpensive. After all, it wouldn't be right to smile at my handbag while my children are eating Ramen...though I have contemplated the sacrifice at times. ;)

I like to feel like a princess now and then, and since I can't wear princessy heels or wedges right now (swollen sad ankles and legs), I got these fun princess gold sandals and a nice big bag to match.

I also bought some nice brownish gold nail polish (for 99 cents) over which I put a fantastic top coat so it doesn't chip for oh, maybe, TWO days instead of just one! :)

This maternity maxi dress (it has removable straps and don't worry, I'll wear a little cardigan to avoid showing my pregnant arms--how is it that my ARMS actually look pregnant???) was a splurge (at $15 after sales and coupon codes) but will be so flowy and nice (and black is slimming!) for those hot summer days to come.

MAKEUP: I got this sparkly lip gloss from that NYC cheap brand area at Target a few months ago and now I have five of them...one in every drawer, every purse, diaper bag, makeup case. Because I LOVE IT! And it's $1.29, so when Caden smears it into the carpet or eats half the tube, I don't have to cry (like I did when my Mac foundation was used to fingerpaint the bathroom wall), I can just buy a new one!!

New Stage

2010-03-26T06:52:00.000-07:00

I can't find my camera cord, or there would be a very messy picture HERE.

Yesterday, I put Caden down for a nap and he kept making noise--thumping, talking, crying...not entirely unusual, but it went on for a very long time--almost an hour, which IS unusual, especially because he had to be exhausted after a long morning out and about.

I finally ventured into his room, only to be greeted by the strangest mix of smells...

Poop, so that explained PART of why he wasn't going to sleep...

And

LOTION.

I had left my very favorite lotion (expensive too) on the changing table because it is a diaper rash CURE (thank you Angie!). And the little Go Go Gadget Arm reached it through his crib slats, pulled it into the crib, took off the lid and dumped it EVERYWHERE...carpet, sheet, blanket, up and down many crib slats (super fun to clean.)

Lesson learned Caden. Lesson learned.

:)

More Space Please for Big Ol' Mommy

2010-03-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

Remember that commercial where everyone was too big and all the furnishings, hot tub, etc. were too small? Was it Geico? I don't know.

Well, about this time in every pregnancy, I start to feel like that. Everything is too small, too cluttered, and I am way too big to be comfortable anywhere.

So, images like this, and the idea of minimalism start to really appeal to me. We may have nothing left in the house by the time this baby is born. But, we'll have plenty of room to move around.

Hmmmm, maybe I need a big mountain's worth of space? Stay tuned. :)

The Mountain

2010-03-17T06:37:00.000-07:00

We are currently in the first stage of a potential adventure. I hesitate to write too much as nothing is set in stone, but we are creatively attempting to finance the purchase of beautiful mountaintop property. It is 40 acres, with a view like nothing I have ever seen in these here parts (y'all know I can talk Okie when I want.) There are four potential building pads, one of which is currently occupied by a renter who has her own mobile home. She has six dogs. And no electricity. I have never actually seen her...

Anyway, the road to the parcel from the main street is dirt, but sufficient. It takes us through rambling hills, free grazing horses, past an English bulldog breeder's estate, and up to the top of a "mountain" at 1,200 ft. From there, you can see 360 degrees the entire valley, orchards, parks, homes, hills, cows, widflowers. It is breathtaking.

Scott has had the unusual opportunity to safely shoot "clays" up there (a fun luxury we have previously only enjoyed on our trips to Texas.) We have stood together, literally and metaphorically, to pray on this mountain. We have enjoyed fellowship with the current owners who are struggling and wonderful and wanting to help us in any way they can.

The gentleman who owns it sunk every fence post around the 40 mountainous acres with his bare hands. A little part of his heart and soul remains there and we intend to keep him and his family as friends if we acquire it. He is a good man.

The problems we are encountering thus far are:

1. Bare land requires 50% down; (Ours is not "bare"--there is a renter there in a mobile home, there is water to the property, road access, but no electricity from the grid);

2. Apparently, no electricity from the grid essentially means property is worthless, from a typical banker/mortgager/financing standpoint; and

3. Loans for residential and commercial acreage are generally very short term (like five years max) and often carry very high interest rates (like 12%) despite our outstanding credit and very well developed and intelligent (we think) business plan for the land.

We are continuing to get creative. And we know a God who can make all things possible when they are part of His best plan for us. We know in our hearts that this will be an amazing investment for whoever assists with financing and, of course, for us. This land will only go up in value in the future, especially with an eye toward shared electricity to the land (for which there is already a plan in place), and considering the truly unique and beautiful rural mountainous environment, still close to town and community.

The future will depend on our desire to take a risk on this opportunity and bank on the fact that it will pay off down the line. There is so much still to contemplate, but we are very hopeful. I would like to take some photos and post them soon to really start adequately journaling this adventure.

Stay tuned.

Off the Grid

2010-03-15T17:35:00.000-07:00

We have been attracted to an "off-the-grid" lifestyle for years. We have never, of course, had the courage to take that step, nor the finances to make it a reality. But, as of late, our desires and God's open doors seem to be lining up for us to make this bold step.

Are you familiar with the "off-the-grid" lifestyle? Below, you will find an overview from Wikipedia. In the next year or two, I will be regularly updating this blog with our journey toward off-the-grid living.

Let me tell you, I am very aware there will be many ups and downs in this process, and I am quite sure many of these I can't even anticipate, but we are committed and excited about the journey. Changing this city-girl, bubble bath loving, appliance abusing, electricity guzzler into the conscientious environmentally aware, energy saver I know I should be, is going to be an interesting, sometimes painful process.

Stay tuned for Part One: The Mountain, to live vicariously through us if you don't have the courage (or desire) to do it yourself. If nothing else, I imagine, there will be a lot of drama and laughter to be had by all.

(From Wikipedia:)
The term off-the-grid (OTG) or off-grid refers to living in a self-sufficient manner without reliance on one or more public utilities.

Off-the-grid homes are autonomous —they do not rely on municipal water supply, sewer, natural gas, electrical power grid or similar utility services. A true "off the grid" or "off-grid" house is able to operate completely independently of all traditional public utility services. The idea has been recently popularized by certain celebrities including Ed Begley, Jr. who stars in Living With Ed television show on the Home & Garden Television network. Actress Darryl Hannah also promotes "off-grid" living and constructed her home in Colorado according to those principles.

Electrical power
Electrical power can be generated on-site with renewable energy sources such as solar, wind or geothermal; with a generator and adequate fuel reserves; or simply done without, as in Amish communities. Such electricity system is called a stand-alone power system.

Water
On-site water sources can include a well, stream, or lake. Depending on the water source, this may include pumps and/or filtration. Rainwater can also be harvested.

Popularity
On 13 April 2006, USA Today reported that there were "some 180,000 families living off-grid, a figure that has jumped 33% a year for a decade," and cited Richard Perez, publisher of Home Power Magazine,as the source. Assuming the same rate of growth, there would be a quarter million off-grid households in the United States by late 2007. Because many third-world citizens have never had the chance to go on the grid, current estimates are that 1.7 billion people live off-grid worldwide.

Environmental impact
The State of California is encouraging solar and wind power generation that is connected to the electrical grid to avoid the use of toxic lead acid batteries for night time storage. Grid-tie systems are more expensive due to the extra hardware costs (such as a grid-tie inverter) especially when old car batteries that can no longer supply enough current to start a car are re-used.

Going off-grid can be done for altruistic reasons or to lower the environmental impact of living, as the typically limited amount of on-site renewable energy available is an incentive to reduce its use.

It is often done to residential buildings only occasionally occupied, such as vacation cabins, to avoid high initial costs of traditional utility connections.

Other persons choose to live in houses where the cost of outside utilities is prohibitive, or such a distance away as to be impractical. In his book "How to live off-grid" Nick Rosen lists seven reasons for going off-grid. The top two are saving money, and reducing the carbon footprint. Others include survivalism, preparing for the collapse of the oil economy and bringing life back to the countryside.

Economic consideration
See also: Grid parity
In situations where grid parity has been reached it becomes cheaper to generate one's own electricity rather than purchasing it from the grid. This depends on equipment costs, the availability of renewable energy sources (wind,sun) and the cost of a grid connection. For example, in certain remote areas a grid connection would be prohibitively expensive, resulting in grid parity being reached immediately.

We are on our way friends! And though many of you already thought we might be a little crazy (homeschooling,etc.), I am quite sure this move will confirm the notion! :)

New Book...

2010-03-11T07:44:00.001-08:00

Starting this book today! Can't wait to stop worrying. :)

The Closet Conundrum

2010-03-08T14:31:00.001-08:00

Image from here.

I would like to shop for new updated clothing...well...honestly...every day. I enjoy a crisp new outfit with matching shoes and purse, as much as the next gal. But, I know that there are more important things in life...things of substance. I know that having new clothes is a temporary high that quickly leads me to wanting more new clothes, and more new shoes, and well, that's just not healthy...for our finances or for my mind.

So, I try to focus on other things like gardening, studying the word of God, training and playing with my children, feeding my household in a frugal and healthy manner, and cleaning/organizing. But, sometimes, I still get the itch.

Today, I am starting in our closet, throwing things out, getting rid of items that don't fit (or won't fit even when this baby is out) and color coordinating my very favorite wardrobe items...which consist of about five things right now...some dark blue denim maternity jeans from Old Navy, a long gray hoodie sweater, also from Old Navy, a black maternity sweater from...you guessed it...Old Navy...do you see a trend here?

Anyway, I may only have a few things left in my closet after today, but they will be things that I like, that fit, and when this baby stops making me fat (I love you baby, and I adore feeling you growing inside me; it's not personal, but you are making me fat...well, you and the quesadillas), I may have to do a little shopping here and there to repopulate my wardrobe, but with prices and quality like what I've been finding at Old Navy, I am OK with that.

As a sidenote, I got a card with Old Navy last month, just to capitalize on the no shipping and online discounts afforded to cardholders and I saved a TON. It will be a good long while before I can afford to do that again, and I will...probably...cut up that card, but oh my, it was fun. :)

Where do you like to shop?

Change of Bloggin' Plans

2010-03-05T15:01:00.000-08:00

I was contemplating blogging about my obsession with the movie I didn't even want to see that ended up being seriously one of the best movies I have ever seen (Avatar.) Then I realized there was silence in the home and I turned around to see that after the kids made a bed on the living room floor, they actually went to sleep! So sweet and unexpected, it almost made me forget the h-e-double hockey sticks they put me through this morning...almost.